Love

I'm only writing this so these memories aware written down. 

A special moment from each of my kids today. The kind of moment that makes your heart melt and know that everything in your world is perfect, where you stand back, drink in the small things and know just how damn lucky you are!

T has been full on this last week, with his constant injuries and demand for role play all the time. 'You be the bad guy and I'll be the good guy, you be Wonder Woman and I'll be Robin, you be Mikey and I'll be Leo' there's only so much I can do, but I do try, just to see his face light up. However tonight as he came to give me a kiss before bed, he stood at the safety gate in the kitchen whilst I was cursing having to wash the bottles up to sterilise them (my most hated job ever!) he stands there, purses his lips then says 'giz a smooch Mammy' made me totally chuckle and I gave him an extra big smooch. 

Eve has been a fuss bag this afternoon, however she has just woken up for a feed. Eve is not a cuddly baby, whether she's in pain or happy or sad she will not cuddle. It makes me sad sometimes but T was the same and now he loves his cuddles. Eve seeks comfort in her thumb and something to hold in her other hand. She only sucks her thumb when she's tired, but whist she was fussing this afternoon she kept sucking her thumb so obviously looking for some sort of comfort. Tonight when I got her out of her cot to do her feed she instantly popped her thumb in her mouth, wound her tiny fist into my hair, snuggled in to me and gave a little happy sigh. I fed her and gave her a little bit of a cuddle after, which normally results in her trying to dive off my knee, but tonight she grabbed my hair, locked in the thumb and snuggled right in, only for a minute, but it was lovely. 

Parenting, to me, is about these moments. 

43 things about T 2015 answers

Ts answers aged 4 years and 7 months 

1. If you could live in a house shaped like anything, what shape would it be?
2014: A square and triangle.

2015: A square

2. What do you think is in outer space?
2014: The moon

2015: Stars and moon

3. What is your favourite colour?
2014: Orange

2915: Blue

4. Where is the most wonderful place you've ever been?

2014: In here (front room)

2015: Beamish

5. What are you good at?
2014: Playing

2015: Tidying and being good

6. What's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?
2014: Mummy and Daddy saying they love me

2015: If I go somewhere you can come with me (?!)

7. What are you most proud of?
2014: You (Me (don't think he understood the question!))

2015: When I win

8. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
2014: Hide and chase people

2015: Eat my breakfast

9. What is the worst smell in the world?
2014: Cheese

2015: Daddy's pumps!

10. What do you want to be when you grow up?
2014: A footballer (this has shocked me, he has not shown any interest in football, EVER!)

2015: A singer like the Foo Fighters

11. What makes you cry?
2014: Falling down 

2015: Being naughty 

12. Where do babies come from?
2014: Tummies 

2015: *points between my legs*

13. What are you scared of?
2014: Ghosts (no idea where this came from either)

2015: The Gruffalos Child at the theatre 

14. If you could, what two animals would you combine?
2014: An elephant and a tiger 

2015: A lion and a tiger

15. Who is your hero?
2014: You (Me, awwwww!)

2015: You Mammy 

16. What is your favourite song?
2014: Baa baa black sheep

2015: Monkey Wrench (improvement!)

17. What is a friend?

2014: Everybody (has my outlook on life!)

2015: Friends that I cuddle

18. What is your favourite memory?

2014: Seeing the trains

2015: Watching trains 

19. If you could, what type of animal would you be?
2014: A tiger (raaaaahh!)

2015: An elephant (ppprrrrrpppp)

20. Who is your best friend?
2014: You (ok I may have raised a mummy's boy, but it's so lovely)

2015: Jared (damn)

21. What is your favourite thing to do with family?
2014: Play

2015: Play

22. What is the most important rule?
2014: Tidy up! (Yessss!)

2015: Put your safety things on when you go to the skate park

23. If you had a million pounds, what would you spend it on?
2014: A toy, a book and a house

2015: Toys!

24. Why do people get old?
2014: So they can swim in the big swimming pool!

2015: Because they have birthdays 

25. What is love?
2014: Very special

2015: Love is loving someone 

26. If you had super powers, what would they be?
2014:Run very fast!

2015: Web powers

27. What's the best thing about being a kid?
2014: Playing

2015: Playing and singing

28. What makes you happy when you're sad?
2014: When I cuddle you (heart melts)

2015: Playing with Mammy

29. Do you have a favourite number?
2014: 3

2015: 4

30. What is something that you don't understand about grownups?
2014: Work 

2015: Daddy watching racing

31. What do you think is the most important thing in your house?
2014: Toys

2015: Safety

32. What is your favourite word?
2014: T (his name)

2015: T!

33. If you had your own country, what would it be called?
2014: (The name of our town!)

2015: The name of our area

34. What do you dream about when you sleep?
2014: Sleep 

2015: Godzilla

35. If you were in a band, what instrument would you play?
2014: A guitar

2015: Drums

36. What 3 words would you use to describe our family?

2014: Van, Mammy and Daddy

2015: Eat (together), love and happy

37. What's something you'd like to learn how to do?
2014: Cook!

2015: Play songs

38. If you had to give away all of your toys but one, which one would you keep?
2014: Thomas train

2015: Batcave

39. What do you think Heaven is like?
2014: Our house (we obviously have a happy lovely home!)

2015: Soft clouds

40. What is something that you're thankful for?
2014: Playing with my toys 

2015: Being able to watch TV 

41. What's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?
2014: Learning how to swim

2015: Swimming

42. Do you think that telling the truth is always right, even if it hurts someone's feelings?
2014: Yes, like when I break your things by an accident!

2015: Yep

43. What's the greatest thing about being you?
2014: I'm silly! 

2015: My toys

T

My little boy. I get so caught up blogging about Eve at the moment I forget to write about T. He's turning into such a little character he amazes me every day.

He's flying through phonics, keep in mind he's in nursery still, he's on phase 4 phonics so gets to go in with the Year 1s for their phonics lessons. The other night he read me the Gruffalo at bedtime. Just amazing!

He's still smitten with Eve, he gets excited when he hears her wake up from her nap, gives her constant cuddles and kisses, tickles her, sings to her, cleans up her sick. He's officially the best big brother ever!

He's currently discovered jokes. His favourite one is:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Smell myp 

Smell myp who?

Hahahahhahahaha. 

But his understanding isn't always great

Me: Knock knock. 

T: Who's there?

Me: Cows say

T: Moooooo

Me: no you have to say cows say who

T: but cows say moo mammy!

As you can see below he's also turning into somewhat of a stuntman. He loves exercising and constantly runs everywhere, does jumping, push ups, sit ups, star jumps. But he loves jumping from heights. I saw him eyeing up the distance between a bench and the ladders to his slide:

Me: noooo

T:why?

Me: you'll either slip and break your leg or smash your face.

T: ok

The next night:

Husband: Ts eyeing up that jump

Me: yeah I told him not to.

The next night:

(Sees him eyeing it up)

Me: nooooo

T: why?

Me: you'll slip and break your leg or you'll smash your face

T: ok

The next night:

Husband: he's still eyeing that jump up

Me: I've told him 

The next night: 

Me *on phone*

BANG

T: *screams*

Me: I'll call you back 

T: waaaaaahhhhsnotwaaaaaahhhhteaeawaaaaahsnot

Me: did you jump?

T: waaaaahhhyes

Me: and did you break your leg or smash your face?

T: waaaahhhiwaaaaahhhhsmashedwaaaahhhmywaaaaahface. 

 

Muppet! 

Special Moments

This morning when I was giving Eve her feed she fell asleep in my arms, something she hasn't done for many many weeks! She had one hand tightly gripping onto my t-shirt and kept opening her eyes to check I was still there, giving me a big beaming smile then her eyelids fluttered shut again as sleep took over. 

Blissful moment.

Then when I'd put her back in her cot (I was busting for a wee, my bladder cares nothing for special moments!) I came into the front room where my hubby and T were watching The Incredibles. T started zooming round saying he was Dash, I was Elastigirl and Daddy was Mr Incredible, "come on Violet" he shouted to thin air as he zoomed up and down the passage, his bed hair bouncing up and down and his feet thundering on the floor. 

What a lovely way to start a morning!

Have you had any special moments yet today?

T update

Not been blogging much about T recently. 

He is LOVING life as a big brother, constantly kissing and cuddling her, sings to her when she cries, squishes her cheeks, gives her stickers when she's been good. I couldn't be happier and more proud of him.

He's growing up so fast, becoming a very funny, clever and well behaved boy. We got into our first choice of school and I can't believe he will be starting full time in September!

I'm very lucky to have such a happy boy, so happy with the simple things in life and I am genuinely thankful every day for my kids! 

If he carries on like he is he'll be an amazing big brother and role model to Eve and honestly what more can I ask for?! 

Weaning

It's not true that you know what you're doing second time round! As each baby is different. 

Had a bad week with Eve last week, poos were softer, she was only having 90ml per feed instead of 180ml. She was pushing the bottle away to chew on her fingers. She'd gone from one feed a night to two because of that. By Friday I was at the end of my tether and booked a Drs appointment. He prescribed Gaviscon, "is it ok to mix with reflux milk?" I asked, my baffled brain remembering something from having the same issue with T. Yes was the reply (no it's not, it says on the f@*king tin, but I didn't realise that till 4 days later) so gave gaviscon, amount of sick reduced, but still not feeding more. 

Took her to get weighed on Monday, now weighs 13lb11. Still putting on 1oz a day roughly, so that was good. Talked to HV about weaning, she was actually really good and said it is 6 months that's advised now, however obviously it's up to you. 

Came off gaviscon as it was giving Ece a bad tummy. She then slept 9 hours that night and 9 hours the next! Think she just had a tummy bug. 

Then had an issue where if there was food within her general vicinity she would throw herself face first at it or try to grab it. 

Yesterday I caved in, 16 weeks and 5 days I have her some baby rice. 'Just one teaspoon' yeah right she had 2 bowls yesterday, went to bed so peacefully and slept 10 hours last night!

Also since then she's started doing her full bottles! She's had her 4 month jabs this morning so hopefully they don't unsettle her too much. Going to give her some more rice this evening and stic with rice till Monday when we will try her with chicken and veg jars, custard and porridge!

Hopefully she'll remain as content as she was up until she was stabbed today. 

Mmmmm rice 

Also how freaking cute is she?! 

Sleep glorious sleep!

12 hours baby! 12 FREAKIN HOURS!!

It dawned on me in my sleep deprived state the other night that perhaps the reason why the night feed was such a wrestling match was because she wasn't actually hungry, just wanted something to suck on. So the night before last I thought I'd try just giving her her dummy when she stirred. She makes it pretty obvious when she doesn't want it so was reassured that I wouldn't be starving her.

We put her to bed at half 7, I was beside myself with tiredness, had tweeted that I had gotten to the point where going to bed was filling me with dread, and had a surpassing amount of support!

So during the night as soon as she started squawking I popped her dummy in her mouth and she went straight back off. Until 4:30am when she wouldn't take it so we gave her a feed. She drank the lot! For the last 2 weeks she's only been having half a feed on waking, probably cause she was too full from the night, but the half feeds would continue all day until led time which was getting frustrating. 

So last night we adopted the same approach, she went to bed earlier 6:30, was only up 3 times putting the dummy in and the next thing I knew it was 6:30am!

12 FREAKING HOURS!

I am hoping that this is fairly permanent now, however the 2 nights that she slept through were typically 2 of the 4 days my husband has off. So I'm guessing 2 more good nights then Monday will be horrendous as he's back to work on Tuesday! 

But we shall see!

Things that annoy me about newborns...

1) Their hands. They shouldn't be allowed the damn things till they can control them! Not only is there the heart stopping game of 'did all of their fingers come through the sleeve' but I have sat and watched Eves hand grab her face so hard she cried; sneak up and knock her dummy out of her mouth, repeatedly; and this evenings trick, push the bottle into her mouth when she wanted a breather and pull the bottle away when she wanted it, resulting in her throwing herself about and ending with me getting rather cross and trying to pin her dawn hands so they stop interfering!!

2) This may only be relevant to mothers of reflux babies, but their ability to completely miss the bib when they're sick. I can always tell when Eve is going to be sick, she has her burp then you can actually hear her tummy pinging the milk up. So I hold the bib at her chin ready to catch and she looks left, I go left, she looks right, I go right, she looks left, I go left, she settles at left then 'ping' and she goes right completely missing her clothes and sicking all over me. 

3) The dummy game. IF YOU WANT THE DAMN THING THEN STOP SPITTING IT OUT!!

Ahem.

 I'm sure I'll add more. Anyone else wish to add any?!

Sleep Training

A week ago I realised that Eve wasn't sleeping much at all during the day and that could explain why she wasn't settling till quite late on a night. 

So last Wednesday whilst T was at his grandparents for the day, i commenced operation sleep!

Eve would sleep for quite long periods in her pram, but couldn't get her down at home, unless you cuddled her tight whilst she screamed and screamed and eventually fell asleep in your arms, but then as soon as she was put down she would wake and scream again.

So I had her by my side all day and began watching for sleep cues. Her cot is still by our bed, so I planned a day in the bedroom. I began by taking her out of her sleeping bag, opening the blinds and having the tv on quite loud. 

An hour after she'd woken she started rubbing her eyes and her nose. I switched the tv off, put her in her sleeping bag and closed the blinds. Put her down in her cot and I lay on our bed so I was at arms reach from her. The first time she had a bit of a shout (she has a very obvious 'displeased' cry. It sounds like she's shouting 'hey hey hey hey')

As she quitened and started to settle I left the room, came back once she was asleep and read my book in bed, so I was there if she stirred or woke and would be reassured by my presence.

She woke the first time after half an hour. She saw me and gave me a big gummy grin, so I opened the blinds, took her sleeping bag off and put the TV on. Sat and played with her for a bit and then an hour later showed signs of tiredness. So repeated the process again.

She had 5 naps that day, only half an hour each time but went down with no problems. That night I did the same bedtime routine as I've done since she came home and she went straight down and slept till midnight. Normally she woke after an hour and then wouldn't go back down till around 10.

I've stuck with that ever since. Today she napped for 3 hours this morning and 2 this afternoon.

On a night she's sleeping 7- 12:30 having a feed then going back down till around 4 or 5am. 

She has some very obvious signals as to when she's done sleeping too, sometimes she'll cry whilst napping and I go in to find her snuggled up to the side of the cot sucking it, this translates to 'I'm still tired but I need my dummy now' I give her it and she goes straight back off. I don't give her her dummy to go off to start with. Other times she'll wake up and start gurgling and cooing, when I go in she smiles and flaps her arms about this translates to 'I've had a beautiful sleep Mammy and I'm ready to play'.

On the very rare occasion she starts crying when I put her down I get her straight back up, open blinds, play with her then try again after 10 minutes when she's calmed down. I don't leave her to cry as I don't want her to associate her cot with crying! 

Long may the good naps continue, and hopefully her night sleeping will extend a bit. But I'm happy with how everything's going at the moment! I'm being rewarded with a very smiley happy baby :)

Sleep is for the weak...

And I am weak. So, so weak! 

To be fair I can only blame the baby for part of it.

Let me explain. 

Eve goes to sleep around 6:30pm, she will sleep for about 6 hours. 

7pm I put T to bed. 

7:30pm I think if I went to bed I'd get about 5 hours glorious sleep.... However should really spend some time with the Husband. So I go and sit and watch TV with him, only for an hour, then I can have 4 hours sleep. 

8:30pm watching grown up telly in peace is actually kind of awesome, I'll watch another episode and ooo I'll have a hot coffee

8:33pm oooo hot coffee.

9:30pm just one more?!

10:15pm go to bed. Ok 2 hours isn't too bad, I'll just quickly use my lives on candy crush/soda/bake escape

10:45pm I'll just quickly see what's happening on facebook/Twitter/Instagram 

11pm oh I'll have some more lives on my games now.

11:15pm ok sleep, an hour is a good start. 

11:30pm snuggled and sleep starts to wash over me 

11:31pm Eve stirs and has a little cry for her dummy 

11:32pm wind back down to sleep

11:35pm Eve wants dummy again 

11:36pm wind down

11:37pm hear the 'phtoo' sound of dummy being spat out. Swear quietly.

11:45pm feed Eve

12:15am she finishes

12:30am finish winding her and put her in cot, she goes to sleep. 

12:35am ok she'll sleep anywhere between 3 and 5 hours now

12:45am Eve is wide awake having a party in her cot, accompanied with flapping arms, kicking legs, gurgling,  cooing and little laughs.

1:16am have tried calming her down, it's not happening, the girl wants to party.

1:45am she calms down enough to take her dummy. 

1:47am she sleeps

1:48am phtoooo

1:48am FFS!

2am finally asleep

2:05am me too!

4:30am Eve stirs

4:31am nononono! Gives her dummy

4:45am phtoooo

5am Husband kindly gets up, Eve starts crying for feed. Husband has to sort pets and make bottle. 

5:20am still sat with hungry baby, start swearing a lot

5:21am Husband finally appears and takes her away 

5:23am sleeeeeeep

6:30am Eve has been returned to cot for nap, she wakes up 

6:40am Husband gets her

7:15am Husband brings me coffee and leaves for work.

7:28am vow to have an early night 

So yeah. Fun!!

10 Week Rollercoaster

10 weeks. 10 long, wonderful, horrendous weeks!

We have a run of days where she's so happy and content, sleeping 8 hours a night and waking for a feed in the middle.

Then a run of days where she just screams, she wants boob, no she wants formula, no she wants boob again.

Days where she'll take her dummy and settle wonderfully.

Days where she won't even close her lips around the dummy, just screams and spits it back at you.

Days when I'm a strong, content, confident mum.

Days when I am a tired, angry, frustrated, useless mum.

Nights when I get 7 hours broken sleep.

Nights when I get 3 hours broken sleep.

Nights when I look forward to going to bed knowing I have my happy, gurgling girl next to me.

Nights when the thought of going to bed fills me with horror and despair.

They're all parts of being a new mummy.

The highs are so much higher because of the lows, and even when I have the lows I have my babies and for that I am grateful.

When Babys Don't Know The Rules

I always said baby number 2 would be a challenge and I'm pleased to report I was right! 

T co slept till diagnosed with reflux at 3 weeks old, from then on we made the decision to sleep him on his front and he slept in his basket and was a happy little chappy who slept well.

E on the other hand. For the first 3 weeks she was a dream, she would sleep in it up to 4 hours at a time! Amazing for a baby so young. Then when she was 3 weeks old something changed and she wouldn't sleep in it for more than 20-30 minutes. 

So the routine from then till now really has been to take her into the room at 7pm for her bedtime feed, put her in her basket once asleep, when she woke, comfort her back to sleep, put her back. I do this up until around 11pm when I'm usually mentally and physically exhausted  and I bring her into bed with me, where the little monster sleeps for 5 hours!

I don't enjoy co sleeping. I'm frightened my giant boobs suffocate her, I'm frightened I roll on her, I'm frightened the husband elbows her in the head, so I tend not to sleep very well. 

I've tried every tip in the book, put my top on her mattress so it smelled like me, hot water bottle to make it warm when she goes into it, patting and shushing her back to sleep when she starts stirring, formula feed on a night incase she wasn't feeling full from me, more layers, less layers, light on, light off, swaddling, dummy, rolling up blankets to make her feel snuggled, buying a poddlepod, noise machine, sleeping her on her front, back, side, keeping her awake all day, letting her sleep all day...! Aside from leaving her to cry, which I really don't want to do I think I'm pretty much out of options! 

I do still try putting her down from 7pm every evening, so I've not just given in!

The only thing we've yet to try is a co sleeping crib, it's an expensive try but I honestly can't think of anything else! 

She gets popped in there for sleeps during the day, but tends to sleep for no more than 45 minutes. 

If she didn't sleep so long with me, I'd put it down to that just being her sleep cycle, but I know it's not!!

Wish I knew what changed in the 3rd week!

The First Month

Think Es fave sums it up. First month of being alive is essentially all about the 'what da f**k' moments. Especially the second time around. You think you know what to expect having been through it already, I tell you now. YOU DONT!!

For the first 2 weeks during the day E was/sometimes still does feed every hour. But during the nights she was sleeping in her basket for 3-4 hours, having a quick feed and going back down for another 3-4 hours. Perfect!

Then just before she turned 3 weeks that all changed. Crazy evening fussiness, feeding so often from me that she was sick whilst feeding (bork) it was hard because I didn't know if and when it would stop so that I could sleep!

We started Infacol. This didn't seem to help, things reached their peak last week when she screamed in hunger/pain from 7pm-2am then happily went to sleep in her basket for 4 hours!

I turned to Twitter for advice and as usual I received plenty and some great advice. Sore gums/colic/reflux/fore/hind milk imbalance/teething/allergys. I googled and googled and googled. She had occasional symptoms of some things but noting regular. Some days she will be hugely sick and go 2-3 hours between feeds and be content during the day and then scream all night. Some days she will feed every hour and be calm and content and scream in the afternoon. Sometimes no screaming, some days no sick... And so on. 

In sheer frustration I got cross, looking at all this advice and medicine suggestions for all the different things she may have and I may end up treating colic when she has reflux or an allergy. I stopped the Infacol and went back to feeding completely on demand. I was feeding on demand but trying to hold it back a bit if I thought she was feeding for comfort so she wasn't sick. I did this for 4 days, she was so calm, content and happy. 

Yesterday she got a bit twisty again, instant panic, I've eaten something different, she's got a bug etc etc. Then I calmly told myself, babies cry, sometimes just because they can. So I've made the decision to not stress until there is a definite pattern and just accept that babys poo weird/fight sleep/cry/be sick and just get on with my life until I think there's cause for concern! As the biggest worrier in the world when it comes to my babies being ill I know I'll pick up on it when/if the time comes.

So these are my parenting stats of Es first month. 

E weight gain: 11ozs on top of birth weight, up to last week.

Feeding: was exclusive up until Friday night when I'd had no chance to express and I needed to sleep and couldn't face feeding her for a 4th hour! So one bottle of formula has been introduced so OH can feed, I get about an hour to myself to bath/tidy/put T to bed. (SMA milk if anyone's interested) Formula feeds will increase to 2 feeds a day within the next week or two, and Yep she will be fully on formula at some point in the next few weeks/months, and I'm cool with that decision.

Sleeping: gone from sleeping beautifully in her basket to not at all. So for the first 3-5 hours a night I feed, put her in her basket, read for 20 minutes and repeat. Occasionally she'll do 2-3 hours in there, but this is rare so she's been coming into bed with us. For the record I hate cosleeping. But we live in a bungalow and Ts room is next to ours, if I leave her to scream for a bit no one gets any sleep. I will persevere with getting her to sleep on her own because I want my sleep back! But that will come with time.

So that's basically our first month in a nutshell. It's hard, it's frustrating, the guilt is overwhelming, I've cried thinking my milk is hurting her, it's mentally draining, the guilt of dealing with a fussy baby 24/7 when you have a 4 y/o in need of your love and affection is so difficult I can't tell you. But it's worth it for those little moments in the day where everything's just great even for only 5 minutes! 

Evening Fussiness With A Breastfeeding Baby aka Shark Pig

I have just posted these pics on Instagram and thought, you know what these almost make up a blog post so let's go for it. 

Eve has been a star the last few nights, sleeping in her basket 7-6 waking every 2/3 hours for feeds and going straight back down. However last night she decided to begin a game. 

Fondly known as 'shark pig' 

This game starts around 7pm. She will settle for a feed. Then wake up after 20 minutes in bed. She then cries for a feed. I put her to my boob and she wobbles her head and mouth around my nipple like a shark teasing its prey all the while snorting like a pig. This goes on for about  5 minutes. Then she shouts at me because she's not getting any milk. After a few games of this, around 9pm I put her on a time out:

We have a bit of a chat where I explain that when she goes to sleep normally this is when I go to sleep, and this new game, whilst amusing, is stopping me from having some much needed sleep. I hold her up to my face so she can kiss me and say sorry, she shark pigs my nose then goes back into time out. After a few minutes I try again: 

Within seconds of latching on she goes sound asleep. No amount of blowing or tickling stirs her. I lift her arm up, it falls back down with no resistance at all. Sound asleep: 

I lay her gently down in her basket for the umpteenth time she flops into a beautiful sound asleep relaxed pose. 

Within 2 minutes: 

MAAAAAAMMMMMM I'M STAAAARVING! 

Eve is now with her daddy, she does not play shark pig with him.

The Birth Story

I was due December 21st.

As Christmas crept closer I started to panic. My biggest worry with the whole pregnancy had been going into labour and not being home on Christmas morning to see T open his presents. 

Christmas morning arrived, I was still pregnant!! Yay :) 

So I got to see Ts face as he came in and saw all the presents under the tree. My eyes filled with tears of happiness.

We had a lovely Christmas Day with our families, I got my first onesie 

Boxing Day morning arrived, still pregnant, quite happy about that as traditionally my family spends Boxing Day together. Another lovely busy day, took T to the toy shop afterwards to spend some of his Christmas presents, then home to relax after a lovely but exhausting day. 

At midnight my contractions started, instantly 3 minutes apart lasting 30 seconds. I tracked for about half an hour before ringing the hospital, because I had a 12 hour labour with T, I was told to go straight in at the first sign of this labour. So I called to ask if they meant first sign or give it an hour or two. I was advised that I could come in when I was ready but to give it an hour or so. 

12:45 I called my Dad, he was coming to stay in the house with T, so he turned up about 1am. 

I guess we left the house around 1:10am, contractions were still coming big and strong, Hubby was flapping a little bit, I kept reminding him of things we needed and telling him it was fine and to calm down. My waters hadn't broken by then so I picked up a dog towel to sit on in the van. 

Hubby asked should he be driving normally or quickly. I said somewhere in between.

As we got closer to the hospital my contractions stronger and longer I did ask him to run a red light, my bad.

At the roundabout before the hospital I needed to push. Now when I was labouring with T I needed to push a good 4 hours before he was born but I was told I wasn't ready and to breathe through them, even though no one checked to see how far along I was. So I just presumed this was the same, I had a bit of a push, my waters EXPLODED, pleased I remembered the towel but seriously wasn't enough. 

Hubby pulled up outside the hospital entrance, came round to get me out, I did a huge push again and knew she was coming, told Hubby to go get the midwife, Hubby panicked slightly and started yelling, 'shit, shit, shit' repeatedly  I had my feet up on the dashboard and was reclining the seat ready. A man outside the entrance helpfully got us a porter and a wheel chair. Hubby tried to get me to in the wheelchair. I said no, not being stubborn but I knew I was very close to her coming out!

Then 2 midwives appeared and told me to get in the wheelchair cause it was far too cold to give birth outside. I waited for the next contraction to pass and got out, they told me to kneel on the wheelchair and hold on to the back. 

As we whizzed through the hospital corridors I needed to push again, the midwife told me to try and breathe through it, I did. Then as we were waiting for the lift, I pushed and started crowning, midwife had hand on top of head, got in lift, she told me to push a little bit more, I obliged, she confirmed the head was coming. Got wheeled into delivery room, they whipped my trousers down to my knees, told me to push and out she came. 1:34am weighing 9lbs. 

Hubby crouched at the back of the wheelchair and kissed me, telling me how gorgeous she was and laughing his head off. I then managed to get out of my ever so glamorous position in the wheelchair and climb onto the bed whilst the midwives sorted me out. Baby E was having a good scream and Hubby decided to call my Dad, as we'd only left 20 minutes earlier and sent out texts to everyone. 

Very smitten Hubby got cuddles whilst I got all stitched up, apparently looking like a 'patchwork blanket' according to the midwife, basically her exploding out of me like that tore me from top to bottom!

There was an issue though, there was meconium in my waters so we had to stay in for baby to be monitored for 24 hours, I was devestated. I've never stayed overnight in hospital before, her heart beat was irregular as well. They showed me up to the ward by 5am and Hubby had to leave, he could come back at 10am. 

A lovely midwife came and explained stuff to me, a paediatrician checked E over at 7am and said she was totally fine, as long as the next few checks on her were ok she was happy that we went that evening. I was so happy to hear that.  The next checks were done around 11am and that nurse said even though everything was fine we would not be discharged till the following lunchtime. Long story short on that one, I begged each time I saw her to go home, I would be straight back if I thought anything was wrong, I tried bribing her with a chocolate orange and nothing :( so I had a good cry. 

At 10pm the midwife from early morning came back and was surprised to see me there still, she said she would try and get the discharge sorted during the night so I could go first thing. The same paediatrician came in and she was equally as surprised, she took baby off for her checks and came back said they were all perfect. The midwife returned at 11pm and said they were happy to make an exception and I could go there and then.... Kind of them but I don't drive, the car seat was in the back of Hubby's van and everyone was asleep!

So I spent most of that night having a cry, baby decided she would only sleep on me so I had to stay awake all night as I was frightened about rolling off the bed, also the ward was about 9 billion degrees and I had the most annoying woman on my ward who pressed the alarm to call the midwives every bloody hour. 

Thankfully my amazing Hubby came with T to get me at 7am and take us home! 

So that was babys' birth story 

Here is baby E and this is a picture of her and the proudest big brother in all the world: 

And now the adventure really starts!!! 

My Son

My son.

I needed to just write about him, cause today he has made me so happy, proud and sad at the same time. 

I have been blessed with him as a first born, he slept through from 5 weeks. Once we got his reflux under control he only cried when tired or hungry. 

He was/is always happy and looking for fun and mischief (not in a naughty way) 

He's rarely naughty and a quick trip to the naughty step sorts him out if he pushes his luck. 

Don't get me wrong I've had a few bad times with him, but I know that his 'bad times' are what mothers of 'naughty children' pray for as a good day.

Even as I write this I feel the 'mum guilt', letting everyone know that I have a good kid, a happy kid. But that could all change when Bumpy turns up, and that brings me to the point of this post.

He always asks me to play, usually on the floor with him. If I'm having a good day I always will. If not, he either adapts his game so we can play it on the table or he understands and plays on his own. 

Tonight when it came to tidying up (and boy was it messy after a play date) he tidied the front room entirely by himself, I helped him with his bedroom, he chatted away happily to me as we tidied together, he knows I can't bend down to the floor so he was rushing to pass me things so I didn't need to strain myself. 

After tidying up we got his marble run out I made the top, he made the bottom. Then he came and snuggled me and asked if I would be able to play more once Bumpy was born. I replied and said of course! He sat and thought for a while and then said when Bumpy's born he's going to be 'brave and good all the time, and sometimes he could put the baby to bed when Mammy was tired' heart melted. 

He's really gotten into Bumpy this last week, he felt her move for the first time (she's a swine, goes completely still if anyone tries to touch her) on Sunday and he keeps coming back for more. On Sunday night before bed he kissed me then Bumpy, first time he's classed my bump as a separate thing. Today he came running over on a break at gymnastics and gave me a kiss and cuddled Bumpy.

In my gut I believe he will be an amazing big brother, he will be fascinated with her, he will love her so much and want to be with her all the time. He's chosen her name, hopefully that gives him a special bond with her!

My head is telling me to be careful as that may not be the case, he may become jealous and spiteful and an absolute little git.

The guilt is all over the place, if my gorgeous, loving, good and kind boy turns into, well, a swine, I will feel that's my fault for having another baby and forever carry the guilt of making that boy go away. I know that's overly dramatic but I think that's why I'm so worried about how Bumpy will affect us all.

 I'd love for everything to stay the same and for her to slot right in and just have more love in this house. 

Ah 'Mum Guilt', gets you every which way!

34 weeks

Another manic week.

Had my Von Willebrands blood tests yesterday so results from that should be back next week when I see the consultant.

Midwife today who informed me that Bumpy is currently breech, then gave me all the things that may happen and the decisions I'll need to make if she hasn't turned in two weeks time.

Informing my Hubby about all this he pointed out that I was the same with T and he didn't turn till 38 weeks. I vaguely remember this but the midwife was happy to wait for him to turn and I was given no further information about the subject!

So that's my new thing to panic about, 2 things to panic about in the next 2 weeks. FFS! I had such a happy chilled out pregnancy with T and he was a happy chilled out baby, this pregnancy has been nothing but panic and stress, I hope that's not an indication of what Bumpy will be like!

T has suddenly clicked what is going on, he felt Bumpy move for the first time on Sunday and tonight he gave my tummy a kiss when he went to bed. My heart melted! 

Sometimes I just wish I had a crystal ball and could see that in 2 months time a vision of me holding a happy, healthy beautiful baby and know that everything's going to be ok between now and then! 

32 weeks

Ok I could have been organised and written posts still whilst having no internet for the last 5 weeks, but I didn't, so here's one huge mega update!





I had a hospital consultation check up thing at 26 weeks Bumpy was measuring 30cms, that was measured by two different Drs. So that was the start of that.

Along with normal ailments I have a blood disorder called Von Willebrands, only mild, but enough to be classed as high risk with T. I had to go to a certain hospital locally as they held an injection that would help me if I started to bleed out. Fortunately there were no problems and I was discharged a year after having T so didn't really think it would be an issue this time round. However it is raising a few eyebrows, so I have to get my VW factor levels checked at 34 weeks and go from there. If I am a concern then I have to get checked at a hospital 40 miles away and then potentially change my plan of which hospital I give birth in. Urgh. 

 

Anyhoo, 28 weeks I had my midwife check up, she measured Bumpy at 33cms, concerned with my size she referred me for a growth scan. The same week.

My brain went into meltdown!

I like to know in advance how I will deal with situations, what choices I will make. So the night before the growth scan I was desperately trying to decide whether. I would prefer to be induced or have a c-section, I couldn't choose and I was just a big stressed out mess.
My Hubby calmly kept telling me to just wait and see what was said at the scan before I started panicking. However I kept panicking all the same.




The growth scan came, and all was well, she's was measuring bang on what she should be for 28 weeks, so all my hysteria had been in vain and I was very happy with that.




I've been struggling with hip flexor pain/ round ligament pain. Kind of like sciatica but at the front, very unpleasant. But me being me, bashed on at life stubborn as a mule and refusing to admit defeat, till one day the thought of the 10 minute walk for the school run overwhelmed me and I broke down.




I asked for help, basically I can manage taking T to school, but the 3:15pm pick up is now taken care of between my parents, the Daughter and my in-laws. It's only had a week to run before half term, but I'm already feeling better. Think the problem with my hip was with the bump growing so rapidly for whatever reasons the muscles and ligaments didn't have chance to stretch gradually and just got overloaded. I feel now like they've caught up and I only struggle now if I've over done things.

Other than that I'm feeling good. Still struggling to eat, no want or desire for food unless it involves ordering it or opening a packet. Not sure what that's about, I'm making sure I eat properly 3 times a day, but some days I am actually forcing food down my neck because I know my body needs it, not because I want to eat. It's a horrid feeling.

Bumpy's all sorted now, name, nursery, clothes and accessories! Just got the bags down from the loft today to start packing them. As of the end of November I want to have everything done so I can just relax and make the most of my time before Bumpy shows up!




T helping to decorate

Rainbow themed bedroom nursery.

26 Weeks, Feeling VERY Sorry For Myself

26 weeks pregnant. 

Woo *waves tiny sarcastic flag* 

I know I'm very lucky to be pregnant, I'm very lucky that baby seems to be happy and growing nicely. I am very thankful for all this, honestly

It's all the f*^king symptoms that go with it. I am 26 weeks, I have had maybe 2 symptom free days in 26 weeks. I have at least 14 weeks to go. That seems like an eternity. 

My pregnancy symptom check list so far:

Sickness that left me useless for most of the day up till around 18/19 weeks.

Piles 

Thrush

Acid reflux

Exhaustion 

Itchy boobs

Itchy tummy

Random red patches everywhere.

The new ones that have cropped up this week which need to be confirmed on Friday when I see (cry at) the consultant

PGP/SPD/Round Ligament Pain: pain just above my pubic bone which feels like the muscles are being stretched beyond breaking point, groin ache, hip pain, back ache, sciatic pain.

Vulvar Varicosoties: varicose veins....in my lady bits. Lady bits are very sore, very very uncomfortable, very swollen.

So yes, between waist and tops of thighs just a complete disaster zone at the moment. 

So will see what consultant says on Friday, I'm hoping for a cuddle and lots of  supports and bands thrown my way. Anything to hoist my bump up!

I've been such a good girl as well, swimming, yogaing, doing my pelvic floor exercises, trying so hard to keep moving.

My aim is to be able to keep doing the school runs up until Ts last day before baby is due which is December 17th I believe. 

But I'm struggling with school runs already! School is only half a mile away, I'm fine with the mornings, but the afternoon ones are a right struggle! 

I'm just a big, moany, fed up mess! 

But I'm very excited about Bumpys arrival, I love feeling her kicking and wriggling away in there. I'm excited for baby snuggles and their cute little noises.