14 weeks

Finally the second trimester is upon me!

I've not felt sick (touches all the wood) for 4 whole days now so I'm bloody hoping that's gone!

The rankness of feeling sick combined with utter guilt about having to get family to do Ts school runs and being unable to play with him has been doing me in!

Hopefully tomorrow can bring some normality and routine back to our lives, both T and I thrive on routine.

I've got a hospital appointment on Friday morning to discuss my hypermobility and pregnancy. So far (touches all the wood again) it's not been to bad, my sciatica flares up every now and then and my knees feel a bit loose, but I'm hoping once I feel well 100% of the time I can start swimming a couple of times a week.

Got a fancy pants wedding reception to attend on Friday evening so need to find myself a purty dress and shoes for that, will be the first time OH and I have been out together in over a year! So I'm quite looking forward to that!

All I have to add to this is I love Frappes! All I want in life at the moment is ice cold drinks, this pregnancy is so different to my first!

Positive Head On

Ok so all the appointments that were supposed to fix me or at least help me with some mental fixing began on Monday.


I went to see a biomechanics specialist on Monday, so that I could potentially get a heads up of what else is likely to go wrong in regards to my Hypermobility and how I could prevent it.


When we got there it was a biomechanics specialist but also a podiatrist, so I was upset that I'd booked in with the wrong person.


However I didn't (well technically I did) but the podiatrist had.....hypermobility and was working with the NHS to create a care pathway so that people who suffer can actually be passed to the right people and be taken seriously.


So although I didn't technically get what I went for it was just so nice to be able to chat to someone who knew so much about it. I came out of there non the wiser particularly but it was almost like a counselling session, I got confirmation of things I already knew, but I felt so much better about things!
 

He advised me to start Clinical Pilates, which all being well I'm starting next month.

Then on Tuesday I had a Drs appointment. I've been on the pill since I had T, as I had some hormonal problems that affected my family relationships quite badly. However Hypermobility can be made worse by being on the pill (Progesterone makes you bendy) so I needed to try and find a way to come off the pill but not go bat shit crazy again, and without the use of anti depressants. Even if I do go mad again I don't want to be putting more chemicals into my body, especially when I only need them a few days a month. So that was what I told the Dr, a quick pill swap maybe, no progesterone and no anti depressants. 

What did she suggest? A Mirena Coil (progesterone) and anti depressants. When I questioned her she told me to go away, calm down and think over what she'd suggested and come back in a few weeks. (Also suggested I have iron tests for potential anaemia)

So I left, mad as hell, then after some thinking I came up with the following: if my hormones are out of whack because of the pill then a simple hormone test could potentially tell me if they were the possible cause of my anxiety, joint pain, fatigue, crazy hormones. So I called the Dr back and asked if I could get a hormone imbalance test done. Was basically told no and to discuss it with her at my next appointment.

I rang a private hospital who will do the tests, for £130. But I'd need a GP referral.

After some more soul searching and talking to my family I decided that I'm going to try coming off my pill. I have plenty of spare packs so can always jump back on if things get too bad. But after reading through my blogs from the time when I was deemed 'a bit crazy' I actually had a lot going on. I'd given birth in Oct, OH and my relationship was still in early stages, the Daughter was living at home and we weren't getting on at all and I was planning my wedding. To be fair I defy anyone male or female to not be a bit snappy dealing with all that and a 3 month old with reflux and no sleep!

So perhaps it wasn't PND/PMS/PMDD perhaps I was just struggling to cope!

We'll soon see! 

Then today I went for my iron tests and sneakily asked the phlebotomist if she did hormone tests, she said yes just ask your GP. So I cancelled my appointment with the lying asshole Dr and made a new one with a different one who will hopefully actually try to help me!

So I have the full support of my family and a plan! I'm feeling good and I hope to high heavens I was right about the stress and not PMS thing! 

February 1st

I've been quiet recently. I've had a lot going on. T and I have been poorly and although we're almost fully recovered I'm having some other issues, which I'm going to ramble about!

I've blogged before about panic attacks I've had before doing new things. They're to be expected in a way.

When I started my role as a volunteer in the school I was surprisingly fine. 

Then after the Christmas break things started to go a bit down hill. So my first Monday back I was violently sick once as we were getting ready for school, my other end was threatening action. I was due into school but decided I'd just take T to nursery (at the same school) and come home again. I popped some Imodium and set off. By the time I got to school I felt fine, decided to risk my 3 hours. For the rest of the day I was fine.

Tuesday morning, dodgy tummy, again threatening other end action. Same action plan again, same outcome. I was fine. Wednesday came, (I do 3 hours on a Monday and Tuesday morning) I was fine. Fine the rest of the week. Monday morning, dodgy bum, Tuesday morning dodgy bum! 

After the third week of this happening I decided I must be stressed about going to school placement. But I'm not. I don't stay awake all night tossing and turning and thinking of reasons not to go, I adore it! 

With my cold I've had this week I've had weird tingling and tightenings in my left cheek. The first time it tightened it felt like the side of my mouth was going drop so I panicked about a stroke. The feeling went within seconds and I was fine. Since then my face has been tightening and tingling all the live long day. Starting about an hour after I get up getting steadily stronger and stronger until I go to bed. It doesn't hurt, well only every now and then. Just feels like my face is itchy/pins and needley. Mostly along my left cheekbone, hops across to my lips as nose quite often and sometimes as far up  as my eye. I've had tingly teeth, they've been a bit sensitive, but no problems eating or drinking. 

I went to the Drs yesterday and she gave me a week of antibiotics. She was giving me them for a sinus infection, but if it wasn't better in the week I needed to go back and see her as it could be a problem with a nerve. 

So I hit google when I got home (don't judge me you've done it!)

I've either got a brain tumour, cancer, TMJ or anxiety. 

So let's focus on the sensible 2; TMJ and anxiety. I have hypermobility and TMJ goes hand in hand with that. Also my dodgy bum seems to tell me I have anxiety. 

So my POA (plan of action) is:

1) Go to see a Biomechanics specialist. My hypermobility has been recognised but I've not had a full body assessment. Just the physio pointing out week on week when he finds something new. 

2) Book in the dentists on an off chance that it's tooth related. 

3) Try to find out what's causing my anxiety. This is the hardest. I don't feel mentally stressed or anxious about anything so why is my body potentially tell me otherwise?!

4) Hopefully the antibiotics work and it was just a sinus infection. Even so, steps 1,2 and 3 need to be followed!

So really I'm just sounding this all out so I can stop running it all over in my head. But if anyone has experiences of face tingling, tightness, TMJ, anxiety, how to find out what's stressing you when you're not stressed, or can just give me a cuddle that would be marvellous, ta.

Bending Without Breaking

It's certainly been an odd few days (weeks?) since I last blogged.

Had the Daughter in A&E for 7 hours with a suspected mini-stroke, turns out to be a very bad migraine. Back in to hospital 3 days later with sharp pains round her chest and tummy (thankfully just a muscle spasm, but we were concerned that it was contractions possibly started by the stress from the days before) She's 31 weeks now, eeeeeeeek not long to go!

Hubby had his Colonoscopy (all clear, yay!) T has been in for his second lot of allergy blood tests (they took his bloods from the back of his hand this time....why!? Poor little sausage)

Because of all this to-ing and fro-ing, T's potty training has suffered slightly, so we've taken a step back to being pantless and trying to introduce pants again tomorrow. Still no success when he has his nappy on though, although he does start crying and saying 'oh no oh no oh no' when he starts pooing in his nappy, which is a start I suppose!

We're having another pantless problem now, in the fact that T has well and truly discovered his winky! His hand is never off of it! Any tips on how to stop this would be greatly appreciated.

Also I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but those of you who follow me on Twitter will know that I am a huge Gleek. So I was pretty bummed out to say the least about the death of Cory Monteith last week. Not sobbing and calling helplines or anything but I felt sad about it. I love Glee, I am Glee, I am the misfit geek at school who sings all her problems away infront of the mirror. I've watched every episode since it began, and I'm also sad that now Finn and Rachel will never get back together and get married, which I'm pretty sure was supposed to be what happens in the end.

I'd also found out 5 days before this that a lady from our sign language class died whilst on holiday, I didn't know her that well, but she always had a smile for me and T, and had a little chat with me when she could. So that got to me as well. Her youngest is only a little bit older than T, how sad that she won't remember much of her lovely mummy :(

So needless to say this set my mind onto a downer, from one my previous blogs Thanatophobia: Fear of Death I struggle with the thought of leaving loved ones behind. So I went on a bit of a mission to start more memory books for T, so that if something like that happened, he would be able to see my blogs, my personal diary for him, and now a scrap book I've made.

So with death on my mind and many family trips to the hospital, needless to say I was a bit fed up and miserable.

But today it feels like my mind has cleared a bit, I've hopped back onto the Slimming World wagon. I hit my target 6 weeks ago, and 3lbs have crept back on, which is pretty good mind considering I've survived on McDonalds, takeaways, crisps and chocolate for the last few weeks. I've decided to set a new target of 11st 12, as this takes me into 'normal' the NHS BMI chart for the first time ever I think! Plus gives me something to focus on.

I've had physio visits galore, they've diagnosed me now with Hypermobility Syndrome so they're trying to help me strengthen my joints and hold my body properly. I have some sexy new bedtime attire:

 

 

T calls this my 'robot foot' but if this works, then I get a pelvic support and a wrist splint to add to my bedtime sexiness! Whit whooooooo!

 

I invested in this book, is actually quite eye opening really. But I like the title, kind of sums up the last few weeks physically and mentally!