My Son

My son.

I needed to just write about him, cause today he has made me so happy, proud and sad at the same time. 

I have been blessed with him as a first born, he slept through from 5 weeks. Once we got his reflux under control he only cried when tired or hungry. 

He was/is always happy and looking for fun and mischief (not in a naughty way) 

He's rarely naughty and a quick trip to the naughty step sorts him out if he pushes his luck. 

Don't get me wrong I've had a few bad times with him, but I know that his 'bad times' are what mothers of 'naughty children' pray for as a good day.

Even as I write this I feel the 'mum guilt', letting everyone know that I have a good kid, a happy kid. But that could all change when Bumpy turns up, and that brings me to the point of this post.

He always asks me to play, usually on the floor with him. If I'm having a good day I always will. If not, he either adapts his game so we can play it on the table or he understands and plays on his own. 

Tonight when it came to tidying up (and boy was it messy after a play date) he tidied the front room entirely by himself, I helped him with his bedroom, he chatted away happily to me as we tidied together, he knows I can't bend down to the floor so he was rushing to pass me things so I didn't need to strain myself. 

After tidying up we got his marble run out I made the top, he made the bottom. Then he came and snuggled me and asked if I would be able to play more once Bumpy was born. I replied and said of course! He sat and thought for a while and then said when Bumpy's born he's going to be 'brave and good all the time, and sometimes he could put the baby to bed when Mammy was tired' heart melted. 

He's really gotten into Bumpy this last week, he felt her move for the first time (she's a swine, goes completely still if anyone tries to touch her) on Sunday and he keeps coming back for more. On Sunday night before bed he kissed me then Bumpy, first time he's classed my bump as a separate thing. Today he came running over on a break at gymnastics and gave me a kiss and cuddled Bumpy.

In my gut I believe he will be an amazing big brother, he will be fascinated with her, he will love her so much and want to be with her all the time. He's chosen her name, hopefully that gives him a special bond with her!

My head is telling me to be careful as that may not be the case, he may become jealous and spiteful and an absolute little git.

The guilt is all over the place, if my gorgeous, loving, good and kind boy turns into, well, a swine, I will feel that's my fault for having another baby and forever carry the guilt of making that boy go away. I know that's overly dramatic but I think that's why I'm so worried about how Bumpy will affect us all.

 I'd love for everything to stay the same and for her to slot right in and just have more love in this house. 

Ah 'Mum Guilt', gets you every which way!