PND :( Maybe it wasn't baby blues!

Soooo, after re reading last nights blog and having a chat to my OH I decided perhaps it was wise to call the Drs and have a chat to someone about the crazy brains.

Read up on Post Natal Depression before going to bed last night, I have a lot of the symptoms, but it was saying a lot of things that cause it like: bad pregnancy (nope), traumatic birth (no it was a doddle) and scary things like do you wish to harm your baby, had a peek in the cot, saw him sleeping peacefully and thought no I don't want to chuck him out of a window I'm quite pleased with my purchase thank you.

So decided it was probably just PMT, I've never really suffered from it before, went out for a few hours with my mum before pootling to the Drs at 5 to 5.

The Dr asked me random questions, then said it sounds like I have PND, to which I got upset. I like many other people am terrified that it means I couldn't do it, failed at being a mam after only 15 weeks. The Dr gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and I came out more upset than when I went in.

However...

Upon reading the handy booklet she gave me, possibly she knows what she's talking about.
 Things like
'are you so tired that you assume you must be ill?'
 Erm yep, was so tired once that I was convinced I was dying very slowly
 'yet when you get to bed you can't sleep?'
Well bugger me that's exactly what's going on! Can barely drag myself to bed without falling asleep, yet the second my head hits the pillow, my brain says 'well hello ma'am would one care for me to throw as many random thoughts at you as possible?' 'Why thank you Mr Brain I would love nothing more than to lay here and stress about as many things as possible'

However my problem lies with the anti-depressants, if I take them then go back in 4 weeks for an assessment and i'm better, is that because of the tablets or because I sorted myself out? How can they tell?

So after some careful thought i've decided that i'm going to give myself a week to come off them (also proving whether its just PMT) then if i'm still not feeling great I can start the tablets.

So I start tomorrow with a fresh shiny positive attitude, i've got so many things to be happy about, but I think that there are so many things that it overwhelms me, so i'm going to focus on the important ones, and one at a time!

Lets see what tomorrow brings!