I'm enjoying the challenge of trying to use song titles as titles!
Well the OH said my blog was getting a bit stale so any suggestions as to how to spice it up would be more than welcome if I'm boring you!
The Enter Sandman title is brought about because T is doing nothing but sleep at the moment!
He's literally lasting no longer than an hour between naps, which I'm finding rather odd, the last 2 days have consisted of feed, play for half an hour, 15 minutes of whinging, 45 minutes of sleep, then repeat.
Apart from on an afternoon where he's trying to sleep for 3 hours +. I keep waking him up as I'm sure he's not supposed to be sleeping that long.
Bedtime routine has been established, bed now at 7pm, he's sleeping through to anywhere between half 2 and 5, then back to sleep till 6/6:30am.
So if anyone has any ideas on why he's sleeping so much they would be greatly appreciated!
Well I said in one of my previous blogs that I was considering sharing the physical effects after labour, and I've decided that I'm going to do that (anyone squeamish stop reading now!)
I think it's important to know what can happen, I didn't know the problems I would have.
I was extremely lucky in the fact that I didn't put any weight on throughout pregnancy, and lost 2 stone from the day I gave birth, and I didn't get one stretch mark. I don't know how I acheived that, I think regular badminton playing pre-pregnancy may have helped pull me back in shape very quickly, but I used no oils or anything to prevent stretch marks.
The one thing I've suffered with all my life are heavy periods. I mean stupidly heavy, but they were a breeze compared to what my first period, post labour, was like.
Nothing escaped the leaks, I leaked through 3 pads and onto my sofa, within an hour of changing them. I couldn't leave the house, I've never done so much washing in a week. The sofa thing was the worst though, I was so so so so SO embarrassed, I tried scrubbing it out before anyone found out and I was crying the whole time I was doing it.
I need not have feared the OH was so understanding and lovely, I had to sit on towels, sleep on towels, I felt like I was a baby myself!
Since then I've had 3 other periods and they are either ridiculously heavy still, or extremely painful, the only way I can describe it is that my womb feels swollen and tender, and the cramps are just contractions all over again, I literally have to breathe my way through them. I've spoken to the Dr, about testing me for Endometriosis, she's said it's too early to tell if it's just my body settling down since labour or if I've caused some damage through labour.
It's very hard for me to write all that because periods are another thing that shouldn't really be discussed, and because of the consequences of them I get upset very easily talking about them.
The other problem I had/have again is not something widely discussed, the wonders of piles.
Never had them before and mine randomly appeared 2 weeks after giving birth. A lot of people get them during pregnancy and they have my hugest sympathies.
The first time I had a, errrm bowel movement (let's stay professional, poo would just make me giggle, just like I randomly laughed at the word bum earlier, very childish!) with piles, I was in tears, I had it whilst everyone else was asleep (I'm a paranoid pooper, I try to go when everyone is asleep) the sheer pain of it left me in tears, unable to sleep, I was in agony for about 6 hours. I went to the Drs the next day who brutally shoved a finger up my bottom to check it was piles and made me cry, he gave me some cream with some aneasthetic in it.
This did not help, or if it did I dread to think how much it would have hurt!
The agonising pain (for those who've not had it, basically think about passing a knife through your bottom, a big big sharp one, and there's just as much blood!) lasted probably for about 3 months, but it's now eased a huge amount, still slightly sharp pain, but nothing I can't cope with. My GP said they should heal and go in their own time, and I'm hoping that's what's happening!
So that's that all out in the open, I'm going to run and hide in a corner under a blanket and rock with shame!
Drs appointment on Tuesday in regards to PND, so will be interesting to see what she says, seems as I've still not taken my anti-depressents, bet I get a slap on the wrist for that!
Showing posts with label Post Natal Depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Post Natal Depression. Show all posts
Sunday, 27 February 2011
Saturday, 19 February 2011
So I asked for help...!
Well I didn't write yesterday because I was exhausted!
How I felt the day before was positively chirpy in comparison!
So Thursday night, T went down about 8pm. Woke up at 10 for a feed, went back down again, woke up at 2:30am for a feed, went back down again, woke up at 4am, back down at 4:15am, back up at 4:30am, cue me sat rocking him to sleep crying like a crazy woman (oh hello PND!)
I took a stand and asked for help, for the first time in 18 weeks, which is pretty good going. I text my parents at 4:30am (my dad usually gets up at 5) to come and get him as soon as they were up, which they did, they came for him at about 8:30. I went back to bed and slept till half 12!
My parents were keeping hold of him till about 5pm, so I decided to treat myself to an afternoon of pampering, so I went for a super facial (facial, head/neck/shoulder/arm/hand massage) eyebrow wax and tint and got my nails done. 2 hours of pure girly bliss (helps that I'm friends with the beautician so we had a good chinwag.)
Picked T up from my parents after that, who said that they thought he'd been spoiled too much and was just screaming for cuddles (he's not like that at all normally) and my mum said she was a bit concerned that T had only had half a bottle in the full time that he'd been there. (8:30 - 5pm!) So I was very worried about that, my mam had given him some baby rice as she was worried but she said that T just didn't want his bottle. This is so out of character for him you can set your watch by him, he goes 3 hours to the minute between his feeds.
On our return home the OH and I were sat having a good heart to heart, wondering if we're introducing too many new things to him at once, with weaning and his own room. Also whether he may be too cold on a night. Even though his room is a slightly warmer temperature than ours, he's in a big airy cot, not a snuggly insulated moses basket. So we got out the Gro-bag.
Put him down again (after he wolfed down a full bottle and 7 tsps of food) he slept from 8 - 9, woke up for a cuddle (literally picked him up and he snuggled into his dad and fell straight back to sleep) went back down till 3am!
So fed him, put him back down, he woke for another cuddle at 4am, then back to sleep till half 6, and the OH got up with him and I had a lovely lie in till 9am!
So I'm wondering whether he's waking for reassurance?
In his moses basket he used to peep over the top, I wonder if that was to reassure himself that we were close by.
So hopefully the worst of the sleepless nights is over for a week or so.
OH raised his concerns that he thought my PND was back. I pointed out that I was just exhausted, being so very very tired and knowing that you have the responsibility of tiny human being for 9 hours when you wake up is very daunting! I explained to him previously that I'd found as long as I got 4 hours uninterrupted sleep on a night I was great, anything less than that and I would struggle. Less than 2 and I was in big trouble!
So I've told him to keep an eye on me and I'll keep an eye on myself!
How I felt the day before was positively chirpy in comparison!
So Thursday night, T went down about 8pm. Woke up at 10 for a feed, went back down again, woke up at 2:30am for a feed, went back down again, woke up at 4am, back down at 4:15am, back up at 4:30am, cue me sat rocking him to sleep crying like a crazy woman (oh hello PND!)
I took a stand and asked for help, for the first time in 18 weeks, which is pretty good going. I text my parents at 4:30am (my dad usually gets up at 5) to come and get him as soon as they were up, which they did, they came for him at about 8:30. I went back to bed and slept till half 12!
My parents were keeping hold of him till about 5pm, so I decided to treat myself to an afternoon of pampering, so I went for a super facial (facial, head/neck/shoulder/arm/hand massage) eyebrow wax and tint and got my nails done. 2 hours of pure girly bliss (helps that I'm friends with the beautician so we had a good chinwag.)
Picked T up from my parents after that, who said that they thought he'd been spoiled too much and was just screaming for cuddles (he's not like that at all normally) and my mum said she was a bit concerned that T had only had half a bottle in the full time that he'd been there. (8:30 - 5pm!) So I was very worried about that, my mam had given him some baby rice as she was worried but she said that T just didn't want his bottle. This is so out of character for him you can set your watch by him, he goes 3 hours to the minute between his feeds.
On our return home the OH and I were sat having a good heart to heart, wondering if we're introducing too many new things to him at once, with weaning and his own room. Also whether he may be too cold on a night. Even though his room is a slightly warmer temperature than ours, he's in a big airy cot, not a snuggly insulated moses basket. So we got out the Gro-bag.
Put him down again (after he wolfed down a full bottle and 7 tsps of food) he slept from 8 - 9, woke up for a cuddle (literally picked him up and he snuggled into his dad and fell straight back to sleep) went back down till 3am!
So fed him, put him back down, he woke for another cuddle at 4am, then back to sleep till half 6, and the OH got up with him and I had a lovely lie in till 9am!
So I'm wondering whether he's waking for reassurance?
In his moses basket he used to peep over the top, I wonder if that was to reassure himself that we were close by.
So hopefully the worst of the sleepless nights is over for a week or so.
OH raised his concerns that he thought my PND was back. I pointed out that I was just exhausted, being so very very tired and knowing that you have the responsibility of tiny human being for 9 hours when you wake up is very daunting! I explained to him previously that I'd found as long as I got 4 hours uninterrupted sleep on a night I was great, anything less than that and I would struggle. Less than 2 and I was in big trouble!
So I've told him to keep an eye on me and I'll keep an eye on myself!
Monday, 7 February 2011
Keep on Rolling baby
I had a choice of two titles for this blog, I went with keep on rolling (Limp Bizkit) rather than Proud Mary (Tina Turner) as Proud Mary goes from Tina Turner to the cast of Glee and then I get the urge to sing, ergo getting side tracked!
Well T has discovered rolling, aged 16 weeks and 2 days.
Was rather amusing.
We'd bought an end of carpet roll which we cut into metre squares to put on the floor so T can have his 'tummy time' as we have laminate flooring, and it's nigh on impossible to find any kind of play mat that doesn't slip and slide everywhere.
So he was spinning round in circles on his front which he's been doing for a while, then my OH walked out the room, and T did a lovely roll off the mat onto the laminate flooring....and screamed.
It does warn you that they give themselves a nasty shock when they do it, so I cheered and clapped then picked him up and gave him a big cuddle.
Then we got him to bed for about half 8 (woo its getting earlier) and when he awoke at 3am, he was cheekily smiling up at me, which was lovely till I realised he'd obviously rolled over as I'd put him onto his front. So I clapped and cheered again (although he may have thought I was cheering at him waking me up, which would be bad, as I don't know at what point between 11 and 3 he'd rolled over)
After I'd fed him I put him back down in his basket and laid down in bed, and I could hear all this grunting and huffing and puffing, with the occasional pair of eyes peering over the top at me, followed by a bum sticking up in the air. After about 20 minutes of his exertions, I put him onto his back as clearly thats where he wanted to be. Then ensued a further 20 minutes of arms and legs failing about and shouting as T told the animals on the side of his basket all about his adventures.
Then thankfully fell asleep.
Don't think it'll be long before he starts crawling, he can push himself up into the right position, he just hasn't figured the rest of it out yet, thankfully, think operation childproof everything will need to be started fairly quickly!!
Well T has discovered rolling, aged 16 weeks and 2 days.
Was rather amusing.
We'd bought an end of carpet roll which we cut into metre squares to put on the floor so T can have his 'tummy time' as we have laminate flooring, and it's nigh on impossible to find any kind of play mat that doesn't slip and slide everywhere.
So he was spinning round in circles on his front which he's been doing for a while, then my OH walked out the room, and T did a lovely roll off the mat onto the laminate flooring....and screamed.
It does warn you that they give themselves a nasty shock when they do it, so I cheered and clapped then picked him up and gave him a big cuddle.
Then we got him to bed for about half 8 (woo its getting earlier) and when he awoke at 3am, he was cheekily smiling up at me, which was lovely till I realised he'd obviously rolled over as I'd put him onto his front. So I clapped and cheered again (although he may have thought I was cheering at him waking me up, which would be bad, as I don't know at what point between 11 and 3 he'd rolled over)
After I'd fed him I put him back down in his basket and laid down in bed, and I could hear all this grunting and huffing and puffing, with the occasional pair of eyes peering over the top at me, followed by a bum sticking up in the air. After about 20 minutes of his exertions, I put him onto his back as clearly thats where he wanted to be. Then ensued a further 20 minutes of arms and legs failing about and shouting as T told the animals on the side of his basket all about his adventures.
Then thankfully fell asleep.
Don't think it'll be long before he starts crawling, he can push himself up into the right position, he just hasn't figured the rest of it out yet, thankfully, think operation childproof everything will need to be started fairly quickly!!
Sunday, 6 February 2011
Oh what a night!
Uuuurrrggghhh
T obviously decided to get his revenge on me for thinking of putting him into his own room
*in a Stewie from Family Guy type voice*
" What the hell mother, I will make you pay, I shall never leave your side!!!"
(Family Guy makes you look at your own child a little differently, you do occasionally wonder the evil thoughts that go through their minds!)
So T went to bed at half 9, I couldn't sleep, so eventually drifted off at about 12:45 am
T woke up at 1:15am, so I draaaggged myself out of bed, gave him his feed, put him back down again, got up to redo his night bottle, got back to sleep about 2am.
T then awoke again at 5am, so dragged myself out of bed again, but T decided he would like to wind me up. He wouldn't let me put his bib on, he kept pushing against my leg and head diving out of my arms and then came the latest development...
He has now sussed hand eye co-ordination.
This may seem like an exciting development in my sons life, and whilst I am very proud, he displayed his newfound talent to me in the worst way possible at the worst time possible.
After his feed I was giving him a little cuddle, and he gazed transfixed at my glasses, out reached his tiny hand, then....SMACK, my glasses were walloped off my face. Cue much giggling from T. So putting it down to coincidence I put my glasses back on and went back to cuddling, again T got transfixed, out reached his tiny hand then...GRAB, he got hold of the front of my glasses and pulled.
So I took them off and spent the rest of the cuddle blind.
So does this now mean, that when I wake up on a night I should put my contact lenses in to prevent any breakages? Or should I do it blind?!
However, T went back to sleep about half 5, as did I, then about 6:30am he started stirring again. I physically couldn't lift my head from the pillow, I laid there for about 15 minutes as he had a bit of a whinge, started psyching myself up to get up and make yet another bottle, when my OH came to my rescue, and leapt out of bed to fix everything.
I slept in till half 9, mmmm lovely.
Nights like that are such a struggle, i've learned that I need at least 4 hours uninterrupted sleep in order to function, if that gets disturbed I'm a bit useless.
Thanks goodness it happened on a weekend, and fingers crossed it doesn't happen again tonight!
One smile from them erases all the tiredness you'll be pleased to know!
T obviously decided to get his revenge on me for thinking of putting him into his own room
*in a Stewie from Family Guy type voice*
" What the hell mother, I will make you pay, I shall never leave your side!!!"
(Family Guy makes you look at your own child a little differently, you do occasionally wonder the evil thoughts that go through their minds!)
So T went to bed at half 9, I couldn't sleep, so eventually drifted off at about 12:45 am
T woke up at 1:15am, so I draaaggged myself out of bed, gave him his feed, put him back down again, got up to redo his night bottle, got back to sleep about 2am.
T then awoke again at 5am, so dragged myself out of bed again, but T decided he would like to wind me up. He wouldn't let me put his bib on, he kept pushing against my leg and head diving out of my arms and then came the latest development...
He has now sussed hand eye co-ordination.
This may seem like an exciting development in my sons life, and whilst I am very proud, he displayed his newfound talent to me in the worst way possible at the worst time possible.
After his feed I was giving him a little cuddle, and he gazed transfixed at my glasses, out reached his tiny hand, then....SMACK, my glasses were walloped off my face. Cue much giggling from T. So putting it down to coincidence I put my glasses back on and went back to cuddling, again T got transfixed, out reached his tiny hand then...GRAB, he got hold of the front of my glasses and pulled.
So I took them off and spent the rest of the cuddle blind.
So does this now mean, that when I wake up on a night I should put my contact lenses in to prevent any breakages? Or should I do it blind?!
However, T went back to sleep about half 5, as did I, then about 6:30am he started stirring again. I physically couldn't lift my head from the pillow, I laid there for about 15 minutes as he had a bit of a whinge, started psyching myself up to get up and make yet another bottle, when my OH came to my rescue, and leapt out of bed to fix everything.
I slept in till half 9, mmmm lovely.
Nights like that are such a struggle, i've learned that I need at least 4 hours uninterrupted sleep in order to function, if that gets disturbed I'm a bit useless.
Thanks goodness it happened on a weekend, and fingers crossed it doesn't happen again tonight!
One smile from them erases all the tiredness you'll be pleased to know!
Saturday, 5 February 2011
T's big move...
...isn't really happening, lol.
It's too haaaaaaard!
Have tried putting him down in his cot for naps so he gets used to it, but he's only sleeping for exactly half an hour at a time, which is no bliddy good!
So I have a new plan. As my OH is off both Saturday and Sunday next week, I will get T used to his cot with naps all through the week and then we can put him in on Friday night, then if I'm up with him all night the OH can take over Saturday morning so I can catch up on some kip.
There's two further issues with the big move;
Problem 1: T has suddenly decided to become mobile, so you leave him in his cot at the bottom in the middle, and once you go to him when he wakes up, he's at the top, face squished against the bars, arm hanging out the gap. This raises the issue of cot bumpers, they seem very sensible, would prevent him from hurting himself against the bars and preventing him from sticking various limbs through the gaps. However there is then the view opposing cot bumpers, which raises the issues of suffocation. T could pull them off, get tangled in them, squish his face against them too hard and suffocate...usual story of baby advice, loads of evidence for and against and you're left to make your own mind up. So for now we have decided against them!
Problem 2: The noise factor for me.
I had a little practice run this morning, when T woke for his 6am feed, I transferred everything to his cot and popped him in that, laid my head down to sleep with the baby monitor at the side of my bed. So when OH got up at 7am I realised my problem. The nursery is next to the kitchen, and the nursery window looks out onto the dog run. In the nursery wall is a serving hatch which obviously links through to the kitchen. So at 7am, I heard OH, making his cup of tea, next to my ear, washing up next to my ear, tidying up; next to my ear. Then the dogs were let into their run which started with their usual morning barks at the trees, leaves, sky, whatever they fancy....next to my ear.
Urgh.
So it looks like when the big move eventually happens, i'm going to have to get up at 7am, else the baby monitor may be smashed against the wall!
So I will keep you up to date with how that goes.
Other than that it's been another PND ass kicking day, T, myself and my dad went to visit my Grandma this morning, who is losing her memory at a very fast pace.
After asking 'who's is that?!' whilst pointing at T, then us explaining he was my son, and she's met him about 6 times so far, we then moved to wedding talk. This resulted in my Grandma asking my dad what his role in the wedding would be 'erm I'll be father of the bride' said my dad, 'but you're not her father, you've got no kids' pointed out my Grandma. Needless to say there was an awkward pause, whilst we all digested this information (he is my real dad just for clarification!).
We left shortly after, poor ol' Grandma :(
Then T myself and my mum went to town to do some wedding shopping, and I got my other wedding dress (hoorraaaaayyy!) sorted the mens suits out yesterday.
I'm pretty much organised apart from the faffy bits. Am over the moon, we're easily managing to do the 2 weddings on our 3k budget. Perhaps I should write another blog 'Yummy Mummys' Budget Wedding Planning' What do you think?!
It's too haaaaaaard!
Have tried putting him down in his cot for naps so he gets used to it, but he's only sleeping for exactly half an hour at a time, which is no bliddy good!
So I have a new plan. As my OH is off both Saturday and Sunday next week, I will get T used to his cot with naps all through the week and then we can put him in on Friday night, then if I'm up with him all night the OH can take over Saturday morning so I can catch up on some kip.
There's two further issues with the big move;
Problem 1: T has suddenly decided to become mobile, so you leave him in his cot at the bottom in the middle, and once you go to him when he wakes up, he's at the top, face squished against the bars, arm hanging out the gap. This raises the issue of cot bumpers, they seem very sensible, would prevent him from hurting himself against the bars and preventing him from sticking various limbs through the gaps. However there is then the view opposing cot bumpers, which raises the issues of suffocation. T could pull them off, get tangled in them, squish his face against them too hard and suffocate...usual story of baby advice, loads of evidence for and against and you're left to make your own mind up. So for now we have decided against them!
Problem 2: The noise factor for me.
I had a little practice run this morning, when T woke for his 6am feed, I transferred everything to his cot and popped him in that, laid my head down to sleep with the baby monitor at the side of my bed. So when OH got up at 7am I realised my problem. The nursery is next to the kitchen, and the nursery window looks out onto the dog run. In the nursery wall is a serving hatch which obviously links through to the kitchen. So at 7am, I heard OH, making his cup of tea, next to my ear, washing up next to my ear, tidying up; next to my ear. Then the dogs were let into their run which started with their usual morning barks at the trees, leaves, sky, whatever they fancy....next to my ear.
Urgh.
So it looks like when the big move eventually happens, i'm going to have to get up at 7am, else the baby monitor may be smashed against the wall!
So I will keep you up to date with how that goes.
Other than that it's been another PND ass kicking day, T, myself and my dad went to visit my Grandma this morning, who is losing her memory at a very fast pace.
After asking 'who's is that?!' whilst pointing at T, then us explaining he was my son, and she's met him about 6 times so far, we then moved to wedding talk. This resulted in my Grandma asking my dad what his role in the wedding would be 'erm I'll be father of the bride' said my dad, 'but you're not her father, you've got no kids' pointed out my Grandma. Needless to say there was an awkward pause, whilst we all digested this information (he is my real dad just for clarification!).
We left shortly after, poor ol' Grandma :(
Then T myself and my mum went to town to do some wedding shopping, and I got my other wedding dress (hoorraaaaayyy!) sorted the mens suits out yesterday.
I'm pretty much organised apart from the faffy bits. Am over the moon, we're easily managing to do the 2 weddings on our 3k budget. Perhaps I should write another blog 'Yummy Mummys' Budget Wedding Planning' What do you think?!
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Beating PND Day 1
Well I must say i'm pleased that I wrote about PND after the positive feedback and support i've received! People are saying that its good to raise awareness of how simple it can be, and that it doesn't mean that you hate your child!
Anyhoo...
I've had a really productive day today (you may be rather unimpressed by the things that follow!)
First off I got up when T woke up for his second feed, which was at half 8 this morning, normally I pop him straight back down after for another nap but I decided that I need to keep him up a bit more on a morning so I can get him to bed earlier on an evening.
So we were both up and dressed by half 9 (normally that doesnt occur till about half 3 :S) I was supposed to wait for my mum to come and pick us up but I decided to make my way over to her and surprise her, this may sound very simple, however I don't drive and i've developed a very irrational fear of buses since I had T.
I say irrational but it's not. I'm a very proud woman, I don't like not knowing what I'm doing and I do NOT like looking silly. So since the day T was born the idea of getting on the bus and maybe getting stuck in the aisle, not being able to manouvre the pram round the poles, not being able to fit it in the gap, the pram falling over because I forgot to put the brakes on etc etc has given me nightmares.
It makes it a trillion times worse because the OH's 17 year old daughter (referred to as The Daughter) has no qualms whatsoever doing it, and she's taken T all over the place on the bus without even a care. Makes me feel like a right banana. She kindly assisted me on a trip to the town a week or so ago, but I've not been back on since, and I had someone to hold my hand.
Anyways back to today.
I was a mammy on a mission.
So off I strode to the bus stop (the usual fleeting panic that I'd forgotten to get dressed and was actually walking around in my jamas, quick check confirmed I wasn't, phew!) The bus arrived and on I hopped, straight in to the gap, brakes on, bish, bash, bosh! I was sat with such a giant grin on my face at what I'd acheived, but I must have looked like a crazy lady to anyone observing me!
Hopped off at the end of my mums road and began the trek to her house.
Long story short, she was very surprised to see me and equally as proud.
So we popped to the shops to get me some new clothes.
As usual I came home empty handed.
However..
I'm currently planning my wedding which is in August and September (I'm greedy I'm having 2) and I've been tearing my hair out trying to find a black dress which will suit all 7 (yes greedy) of my bridesmaids and keep within my teeny tiny budget, and I found them!!! All 7!!! All the right sizes!!!! All HALF PRICE!!!!!
Woooo.
Purchased them, and returned home extremely delighted with myself.
So as I explained earlier, a very mundane day, but I acheived 2 huge things....Its 9pm and T's still up, but I can start the earlier bedtime thing tomorrow.
Day 1
Me = 1- PND = 0
Bring on tomorrow....oh and for those insomniacs Lavender Oil on your pillows, mmmmm followed by zzzzz!
Anyhoo...
I've had a really productive day today (you may be rather unimpressed by the things that follow!)
First off I got up when T woke up for his second feed, which was at half 8 this morning, normally I pop him straight back down after for another nap but I decided that I need to keep him up a bit more on a morning so I can get him to bed earlier on an evening.
So we were both up and dressed by half 9 (normally that doesnt occur till about half 3 :S) I was supposed to wait for my mum to come and pick us up but I decided to make my way over to her and surprise her, this may sound very simple, however I don't drive and i've developed a very irrational fear of buses since I had T.
I say irrational but it's not. I'm a very proud woman, I don't like not knowing what I'm doing and I do NOT like looking silly. So since the day T was born the idea of getting on the bus and maybe getting stuck in the aisle, not being able to manouvre the pram round the poles, not being able to fit it in the gap, the pram falling over because I forgot to put the brakes on etc etc has given me nightmares.
It makes it a trillion times worse because the OH's 17 year old daughter (referred to as The Daughter) has no qualms whatsoever doing it, and she's taken T all over the place on the bus without even a care. Makes me feel like a right banana. She kindly assisted me on a trip to the town a week or so ago, but I've not been back on since, and I had someone to hold my hand.
Anyways back to today.
I was a mammy on a mission.
So off I strode to the bus stop (the usual fleeting panic that I'd forgotten to get dressed and was actually walking around in my jamas, quick check confirmed I wasn't, phew!) The bus arrived and on I hopped, straight in to the gap, brakes on, bish, bash, bosh! I was sat with such a giant grin on my face at what I'd acheived, but I must have looked like a crazy lady to anyone observing me!
Hopped off at the end of my mums road and began the trek to her house.
Long story short, she was very surprised to see me and equally as proud.
So we popped to the shops to get me some new clothes.
As usual I came home empty handed.
However..
I'm currently planning my wedding which is in August and September (I'm greedy I'm having 2) and I've been tearing my hair out trying to find a black dress which will suit all 7 (yes greedy) of my bridesmaids and keep within my teeny tiny budget, and I found them!!! All 7!!! All the right sizes!!!! All HALF PRICE!!!!!
Woooo.
Purchased them, and returned home extremely delighted with myself.
So as I explained earlier, a very mundane day, but I acheived 2 huge things....Its 9pm and T's still up, but I can start the earlier bedtime thing tomorrow.
Day 1
Me = 1- PND = 0
Bring on tomorrow....oh and for those insomniacs Lavender Oil on your pillows, mmmmm followed by zzzzz!
PND :( Maybe it wasn't baby blues!
Soooo, after re reading last nights blog and having a chat to my OH I decided perhaps it was wise to call the Drs and have a chat to someone about the crazy brains.
Read up on Post Natal Depression before going to bed last night, I have a lot of the symptoms, but it was saying a lot of things that cause it like: bad pregnancy (nope), traumatic birth (no it was a doddle) and scary things like do you wish to harm your baby, had a peek in the cot, saw him sleeping peacefully and thought no I don't want to chuck him out of a window I'm quite pleased with my purchase thank you.
So decided it was probably just PMT, I've never really suffered from it before, went out for a few hours with my mum before pootling to the Drs at 5 to 5.
The Dr asked me random questions, then said it sounds like I have PND, to which I got upset. I like many other people am terrified that it means I couldn't do it, failed at being a mam after only 15 weeks. The Dr gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and I came out more upset than when I went in.
However...
Upon reading the handy booklet she gave me, possibly she knows what she's talking about.
Things like
'are you so tired that you assume you must be ill?'
Erm yep, was so tired once that I was convinced I was dying very slowly
'yet when you get to bed you can't sleep?'
Well bugger me that's exactly what's going on! Can barely drag myself to bed without falling asleep, yet the second my head hits the pillow, my brain says 'well hello ma'am would one care for me to throw as many random thoughts at you as possible?' 'Why thank you Mr Brain I would love nothing more than to lay here and stress about as many things as possible'
However my problem lies with the anti-depressants, if I take them then go back in 4 weeks for an assessment and i'm better, is that because of the tablets or because I sorted myself out? How can they tell?
So after some careful thought i've decided that i'm going to give myself a week to come off them (also proving whether its just PMT) then if i'm still not feeling great I can start the tablets.
So I start tomorrow with a fresh shiny positive attitude, i've got so many things to be happy about, but I think that there are so many things that it overwhelms me, so i'm going to focus on the important ones, and one at a time!
Lets see what tomorrow brings!
Read up on Post Natal Depression before going to bed last night, I have a lot of the symptoms, but it was saying a lot of things that cause it like: bad pregnancy (nope), traumatic birth (no it was a doddle) and scary things like do you wish to harm your baby, had a peek in the cot, saw him sleeping peacefully and thought no I don't want to chuck him out of a window I'm quite pleased with my purchase thank you.
So decided it was probably just PMT, I've never really suffered from it before, went out for a few hours with my mum before pootling to the Drs at 5 to 5.
The Dr asked me random questions, then said it sounds like I have PND, to which I got upset. I like many other people am terrified that it means I couldn't do it, failed at being a mam after only 15 weeks. The Dr gave me a prescription for anti-depressants and I came out more upset than when I went in.
However...
Upon reading the handy booklet she gave me, possibly she knows what she's talking about.
Things like
'are you so tired that you assume you must be ill?'
Erm yep, was so tired once that I was convinced I was dying very slowly
'yet when you get to bed you can't sleep?'
Well bugger me that's exactly what's going on! Can barely drag myself to bed without falling asleep, yet the second my head hits the pillow, my brain says 'well hello ma'am would one care for me to throw as many random thoughts at you as possible?' 'Why thank you Mr Brain I would love nothing more than to lay here and stress about as many things as possible'
However my problem lies with the anti-depressants, if I take them then go back in 4 weeks for an assessment and i'm better, is that because of the tablets or because I sorted myself out? How can they tell?
So after some careful thought i've decided that i'm going to give myself a week to come off them (also proving whether its just PMT) then if i'm still not feeling great I can start the tablets.
So I start tomorrow with a fresh shiny positive attitude, i've got so many things to be happy about, but I think that there are so many things that it overwhelms me, so i'm going to focus on the important ones, and one at a time!
Lets see what tomorrow brings!
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