19 weeks

Well I returned to normal last Thursday. No idea what was causing the dizziness etc but hopefully that's behind me now.

Bumpy has been utterly hoofing my insides, I can see my tummy move now when it kicks and both Hubby and T have felt it kicking.

20 week scan on Monday afternoon, Hubby and T coming with me so hopefully T can see the baby and hopefully we'll find out the sex! Be so nice to stop referring to it as it and call it a he or she.

I'm making my guess now that Bumpys a girl. My pregnancy has been the polar opposite of my pregnancy with T, morning sickness was much worse and longer, completely opposing cravings, with T I wanted tomato based foods all the time, with this one the mere thought of tomatoes gives me heartburn! I'm more tired, more emotional, just more pregnant in general.

I genuinely don't mind what bumpy is as long as it's a healthy, happy baby. However Hubby and the Step Daughters want another boy; Hubby so he can say he has 2 of each, Step Daughters so they can say they each have 2 sisters and 2 brothers (their Mum has had another girl) I'd like a boy because T has been an angel and they say boys are easier than girls and I know what to do with a boy!

T wants a girl, he is very set on this! I'm happy to have a girl too then I can say I have one of each and I can dress her in rainbows and sparkles from head to toe! 

So someone's going to be happy/disappointed. I'm sure if it's a boy T can be persuaded as to why that's awesome!

I just want to know so I can design nursery, look for names, touch things!

Did you guess the sex of your bump correctly?! 

T's big move...

...isn't really happening, lol.

It's too haaaaaaard!

Have tried putting him down in his cot for naps so he gets used to it, but he's only sleeping for exactly half an hour at a time, which is no bliddy good!

So I have a new plan. As my OH is off both Saturday and Sunday next week, I will get T used to his cot with naps all through the week and then we can put him in on Friday night, then if I'm up with him all night the OH can take over Saturday morning so I can catch up on some kip.

There's two further issues with the big move;

Problem 1: T has suddenly decided to become mobile, so you leave him in his cot at the bottom in the middle, and once you go to him when he wakes up, he's at the top, face squished against the bars, arm hanging out the gap. This raises the issue of cot bumpers, they seem very sensible, would prevent him from hurting himself against the bars and preventing him from sticking various limbs through the gaps. However there is then the view opposing cot bumpers, which raises the issues of suffocation. T could pull them off, get tangled in them, squish his face against them too hard and suffocate...usual story of baby advice, loads of evidence for and against and you're left to make your own mind up. So for now we have decided against them!

Problem 2: The noise factor for me.
I had a little practice run this morning, when T woke for his 6am feed, I transferred everything to his cot and popped him in that, laid my head down to sleep with the baby monitor at the side of my bed. So when OH got up at 7am I realised my problem. The nursery is next to the kitchen, and the nursery window looks out onto the dog run. In the nursery wall is a serving hatch which obviously links through to the kitchen. So at 7am, I heard OH, making his cup of tea, next to my ear, washing up next to my ear, tidying up; next to my ear. Then the dogs were let into their run which started with their usual morning barks at the trees, leaves, sky, whatever they fancy....next to my ear.

Urgh.

So it looks like when the big move eventually happens, i'm going to have to get up at 7am, else the baby monitor may be smashed against the wall!

So I will keep you up to date with how that goes.

Other than that it's been another PND ass kicking day, T, myself and my dad went to visit my Grandma this morning, who is losing her memory at a very fast pace.
After asking 'who's is that?!' whilst pointing at T, then us explaining he was my son, and she's met him about 6 times so far, we then moved to wedding talk. This resulted in my Grandma asking my dad what his role in the wedding would be 'erm I'll be father of the bride' said my dad, 'but you're not her father, you've got no kids' pointed out my Grandma. Needless to say there was an awkward pause, whilst we all digested this information (he is my real dad just for clarification!).
We left shortly after, poor ol' Grandma :(

Then T myself and my mum went to town to do some wedding shopping, and I got my other wedding dress (hoorraaaaayyy!) sorted the mens suits out yesterday.
I'm pretty much organised apart from the faffy bits. Am over the moon, we're easily managing to do the 2 weddings on our 3k budget. Perhaps I should write another blog 'Yummy Mummys' Budget Wedding Planning' What do you think?!

PND day 3 and what you actually use for the baby up to week 16!

Yesterday was uneventful hence why I didn't write. I think it was a draw in regards to me vs PND.

However I woke this morning feeling a bit blue :(

I think it's down to rubbish weather and an early feed, 3am, urrrgh.

I've set myself a goal to get T into his own room this weekend (just thinking of it makes me feel sad, but I can't keep him by my side till he's 19, his friends would think that was a bit uncool.)

So my task for today is to clean his room from top to bottom, hopefully get into town to pick up some finishing pieces and whilst I'm there look at wedding rings and dresses, that should snap me back into shape.

I've been chatting to a friend of mine who's due fairly soon, she was stressing about all the things that you need when you have a baby, so I thought I'd share what bits and pieces are actually required, well in the first 16 weeks anyways.

There's the obvious ones, clothes, nappies, baby wipes, creams, shampoos etc. Ask for your friends to get you these as gifts, we didn't ask but thats what people got us anyways and we didn't have to buy hardly anything for the first month!

Baby bath, fairly cheap if you look around, think ours was about 15 quid.

Moses basket, we paid 40 for ours, keep an eye out for the stands though as they all look really flimsy, my OH made ours. They trick you with the mattresses though (swines) they come with a bog standard plastic mattress, however after the first week we noticed every time we picked T up he was drenched in sweat, so we shelled out for an all singing all dancing mattress for 40 quid. Which is just a plastic mattress covered in a net with a bit of foam in it, surely you can buy them seperately for half the price!?

Travel system. Ours is a godsend, we got a car seat, moses baskety thing and a pushchair part, we've only used the car seat so far. The moses basket part seems a bit cruel, if your baby's awake he wants to see the world not just the sky! So we've not used that! These can be veeerrrrry expensive new, but there's loads of second hand pram shops around, we found ours and paid 200 quid for the lot, everything was almost immaculate, and it all comes off to be washed.

Then there is the most amazing piece of technology that I would insist every mother to be buys!

Angelcare movement baby monitor. It's amaaazing!
It comes with a movement mat which you stick under their mattress (it has to be on a hard surface or you're in for a few sleepless nights, so we just cut a piece of plywood to the size we needed and popped it in the basket) in a nutshell it sets an alarm off if the baby stops moving. So much easier than constatntly checking the baby to see if they're still alive by sticking your finger under its nose/putting a mirror under its nose/making loud noise/jiggling his hands to see if he wakes up!
If there's no movement for 15 seconds, it sets off a loud bleep, then if nothing is felt for a further 15 seconds it sets off an amazingly loud alarm!! It's awesome and the best thing we invested in, I can just go get on with my jobs whilst he's asleep without the overwhelming urge to dash in every couple of minutes and check on him.
They're between 60 - 80 quid but worth every penny!
 Also their customer service is exeptional, I thought we had a dicky monitor that kept switching itself off, so I emailed the Angelcare company, they sent a new monitor out within 3 days, didn't ask for proof of purchase or ask to send the old one back, very rare you find a complaint so easily resolved! So well done them!!

The other thing I swear by is an Iphone App called infantdiary, I appreciate not everyone has Iphones but I was logging stuff in a notebook before i found it.
Basically when you're a new mum you obsess over EVERYTHING, the colour of poo, the consistency, the smell of their wee, how often they poo and wee, how much they eat, how often, how much they sleep and again how often. This app (or a notebook) is an easy way to keep track of everything, so I log what time he fed, how much he took (if you're breastfeeding its how long he fed for) everytime I change a nappy and what was in it, and everytime he sleeps, whether it was a nap or a night sleep you can track how long he slept for.
It may sound a bit obsessive but when you're having a day where your brains not functioning, when he starts crying you check on the app and it opens on a summary page and tells you how long since he fed, how long since his nappy was changed and how long he's been awake for. Perfect!

So I think that's where I finish sharing my worldly knowledge!

Hoepfully I'll be able to write a more eventful blog this evening or tomorrow evening. Gonna go blast my Ipod and do some housework now whilst baby is fast asleep (but still alive cause I have the Angelcare monitor, oh yeaaaah, lol)

Baby Blues and Paranoia

Thought i'd write this whilst it was fresh in my mind.

Baby blues, or the weepies. Make you feel like your world has ended after the silliest of events has occured, due to hormones flying around especially when aunt flo is in town can turn you into a giant snivelling mess, as I am now!

My baby blues has been triggered by the usual things, other half making a joke which normally would have me in stitches but due to it being the wrong thing at the wrong time I cried like the world was ending, crying when the baby won't settle within 5 seconds when I just want to sleep, crying cause the baby's crying.
Then the not so usual things, whilst the OH has been at work, i've cried because I couldn't get my cup of tea to taste right after 4 attempts, cried because I couldn't decide what I wanted for lunch, cried cause i'd ran out of shampoo...you get the picture.

I'm pleased to say this is all totally normal.

Although it doesnt feel normal, the trick is to have an understanding partner. One who understands how truly upset you are when you stand in front of him, tears and snot streaming down your face and snap at him for letting you sleep for too long. In his head, he'd been the best boyfriend in all the land, letting you have 3 hours much needed sleep once he'd got in from work. In your head the following; he obviously didnt want to spend anytime with me, he forgot about me, he knows fine well if i sleep now i'll be awake all night and he wont care cause he'll be asleep and i'll be all alone with nothing to do but wait till the baby wakes up for a feed.

Another example is when he came home from work one night and i'd had T throwing up all the live long day alllll over me, I was waiting for him to come in and offer to watch the baby so I could have a much needed bath, the offer didn't come as he came in popped his head in the door to say hi and that he was jumping in the bath. In his head, all is well cause she looks happy and content with the baby, i've had a hard day at work, i'll have a lovely relaxing bath. He then surfaced from the bath and came in all happy and clean and lovely to face the screaming fury that was me, how DARE he not telepathically know that I needed a bath when i'd made no mention of being covered in sick, or even asked if he'd mind that I went in first, if our relationship carried on in this selfish way of his I was going to be a single mother and I would have to move back in with my parents and WHERE ON EARTH WOULD T SLEEP!?

Perfectly reasonable.

The paranoia side of things, again requires a very understanding partner *blows her other half a kiss across the room as she realises how patient and understanding he really is* I went through a phase (which is still in place) that I was to be kissed and told I was loved everytime he left the house, as if anything were to happen to him whilst he was out, I would always know that he loved me, and he would have no regrets that he didn't tell me enough (see i'm so thoughtful) I then became adament that I was going to die during childbirth, so insisted that we took out life insurance, as it made me cry to think of him mourning me with no extra income, as if the loss of me wasn't enough. (I'd died but T had lived if that wasnt clear!) the ultimate one when i knew a)how bananas I really was and b) that I was with the perfect man, was the day before my parents were due to leave on a cruise. There'd been some almighty cock ups and in my head it was all coming together that clearly it was final destination 4, all the signs were saying that they shouldn't go. I received a call from my dad saying that instead of travelling down in 2 stages with an overnight stay, something had cropped up and they were going to do it in one stage in the morning. This was the final warning in my Final Destination film mind. So even though it was late and my OH had had a long day, he knew what was going through my head and offered to take me round, so I could make my peace incase it was the last time I would ever see them.

Crazy how minds work.

But hopefully this eases the minds of anyone suffering the same, or amuses those who are reading it!

Invaluable Advice

Due to the lack of support I received once T was born I decided to follow my instincts and it's not let me down yet, here's some advice that got me through from pregnancy to now!

If in doubt google it: The amount of questions a paranoid pregnant woman/first time mother comes up with is insane, every pain, tingle, cough sneeze is cause for worry. I would have gone crazy with stress if i didnt have google. I googled EVERYTHING, and you know what, everything I googled came back with thousands of posts from similiar people querying the 'silly' things. Reading them make you realise you're not alone, not crazy and there's people who are in the same boat. How mothers 10 years ago coped is beyond me, I would have been at the drop in clinic every day if I with a list of questions as long as my arm!

Do what's best for you: The amount of conflicting advice you receive is RIDICULOUS! You've already got baby brain, the last thing you need is it baffling! Breast v Bottle, Front v Back, Co-Sleeping...so on and so forth. Take on board all the advice you receive, try what you want and stick with it from there. Below is my experiences with those 3 things!

Breast v Bottle: You get bombarded with 'breast is best' from the day you find out you're pregnant, but what about those that can't?! Where's the support for them? It riles me! I breast-fed for 6 weeks, and I'm proud. But only one Dr out of all the people I saw congratulated me for sticking with it for that long, everyone else tutted and said you should have carried on for 3 months. I got no support, no one showed me how to do it, or deal with any problems that arose, so I managed to breastfeed him for 6 weeks then get him onto bottles with just the help of my other half.

Front v Back: This is in regards to how the baby sleeps. Midwives and health visitors HAVE to tell you to get the baby to sleep on his back because of the results of all the cot death studies, and thats fine. BUT, only 20 or so years ago, it was advised that babies slept on their fronts, as it reduced the risk of choking if the baby was sick in their sleep. That, to me, is a much more logical arguement, there has been no actual proof of what causes cot death, just factors that may increase it. I don't understand how you fix something when you dont know what the cause is. I put T down to sleep on his front after about 3 weeks, mainly because he suffers from reflux and I was more worried about him choking, also reflux is like adult heartburn so when you laid him on his back it caused him pain, which at the beginning led to the next problem....

Co-Sleeping: There are logical arguements for and against this, logic says dont do it because you heighten the risk of smothering the baby when you fall asleep. But if you're baby screams in pain when in his cot on his back, he's not allowed to sleep on his front, what's a sleep deprived mother to do when her boy happily sleeps soundly on her chest? So I tried it after lots and lots of researching on the internet, and I had a few wonderful nights of sleep, before his reflux was diagnosed and I made my decision to sleep him in on his front. The research brought up lots of arguements for co-sleeping; Britains one of only a very few countries that is strongly against co-sleeping, I think the rest of Europe it's very commonplace. What sold me on it's benefits was a report I found that showed the biological benefits of co-sleeping; If the baby gets confused with his breathing, he listens to your breathing and makes his the same, If baby gets too hot, mums body cools itself and vice versa. This amazed me, Scientists arguing with nature!
However...!
I did do co-sleeping for a few nights, but after the first two nights I got too comfortable with it, and I would roll over in my sleep, your instincts kick in and he was always placed in a safe position where he could breathe, but I got a bit unnerved that my brain was the reliable whilst I was asleep, admittedly it hadn't let me down but still. Also baby then gets used to falling asleep on mummy which makes getting them in their own cot even harder. So I stopped.

There ends my advice for today, I'm not saying what I have done was right, but it was right for me and my baby, and that's how it should be. Take on board other peoples advice, then make your own decisions. At the end of the day the saying 'mummy knows best' had to come from somewhere!

If you want to sound off using other mums, go to http://www.netmums.com/, great web-site for advice!

Don't be afraid to ask questions, no matter how silly you think they are!!! If it helps you destress then it's good for the baby.

That's all for now.

Some places i found my info:

http://www.breastfeeding.com/reading_room/co_slepping.html
http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/cosleeping.html
http://www.netmums.com/

Well....I'll catch you up

Well, I havent written since that first/last post, as bump (from here referred to as T) turned up bang on time!

Later that day I went out for a meal and a pub quiz with my OH, to distract me from the potential 2 week wait and to possibly celebrate our last night of freedom.

Halfway through the quiz when it was announced that we were in last place we decided to call it a night as I was exhausted (please remember this whilst reading the rest!) so we headed home.

After a cup of cocoa I collapsed into bed, snuggled up with OH  and with a quick rub of my tummy laid my head on the pillow to sleep.

I then heard an odd popping noise.

So I shifted position, and water gushed out of me.

"errrm, sweetie, my waters have broken"

"Are you sure?"

"I may drown"

However my contractions had not started, so with shaking hands I rang the hospital, they advised to come in within the next couple of hours and they would check me out.

So I waddled off for a cup of tea, with a self made nappy round me.

Went to hospital at 1am, 1cm, sent home.

3am, contractions started, 2 minutes apart within 10 minutes, kindly amused myself for a little while so OH could sleep, then went in the bath.

7am, ouchie, back to hospital, 1cm, sent home.

9am, big ouchie, made noise like dying giraffe, needed to push, back to hospital. Hospital tried to send me home again, but after i stood in front of the reception and had a contraction and push they put me in an observation room, gave me 2 paracetamols and said they'd be back at half 1 to exam me again.

About 11am they let me have a luverly lavender bath, I nodded off for a minute between every 2 minute contraction, OH was on lifeguard duty as he feared I would drown.

12 noon, back in room, midwife heard me trying to push and came in and told me off as I wasnt yet ready and I was putting myself and bump at risk.

1:30pm midwife came in, examined me, announced I was not far off, almost dilated, should be ready to go in about 4 - 6 hours she would go book me in to delivery suite so I could get some pain relief and get my water birth set up. But I was still not to push. She pulled my trousers back up and headed out. Immediately as she left I had a mega contraction and needed to push (I'd only had 2 paracetamols, pushing eased the pain) I then felt something in my pants....

My instant thought was 'sh*t she told me not to push and now my insides have fallen out' but instead i calmly said to my OH

'There's something in my pants'

He whipped down my trousers, shrieked, ran after the midwife screaming 'she's crowning!', midwife belted back in told me to push, i did, out bump came and was flung onto my chest.

I laughed my head off, for ages. I'd mentally geared myself up only 20 minutes before for at least another 4 hours of pain, and I was done, he was here! 2 Paracetamols baby! How hardcore am I!?

7 Hours later T and I were home (For any first time mums reading this, please please PLEASE try and stay in hospital, I HATE them and fought tooth and nail to get home, however I'd had no proper sleep for over 36 hours and still havent yet! Wish I'd stayed in, but my faith in the hospital was very knocked considering i'd practically done it all myself as they clearly thought I was a nightmare first time mother.)

The last 15 weeks in a nutshell:

Night 1: Had one of those Angelcare movement monitors, went off about 6 times the first night, ended up with him falling asleep on me and I went another night with no sleep.

A few hours old

Week 4: Baby diagnosed with reflux, exorcist sick after every feed and screams loudly when put down on back, use phrase, 'only quiet when sleeping and eating' thats what the Drs look for!

Little sick!

Today: I have a beautiful, chilled out, happy, giggly, extremely strong baby boy. I'm loving mummyhood, apart from the further lack of support i received once i'd left the hospital, I've pretty much figured it all out myself with help from google!

My advice for the first 3 months, follow your instincts, there are pros and cons for everything that has ever been discussed for a baby, do what makes you feel happy!

Now hopefully I can update this more regularly with my new findings of motherhood!

The end and the beginning

So my due date is tomorrow and bump seems to be climbing further and further up my ribs to avoid leaving his warm safe home.

I've been asking the question 'How will I know when it starts?' and I am utterly pig sick of the answer 'oooh you'll know'. No-seems to be able to describe anything to do with labour or contractions and just smile patronisinlgy at you when you ask the question.

I may have an insanely high pain threshold, I may be having contractions RIGHT NOW and just be brushing them off as ligament pain!

People should not assume!

That's partly why i've decided to start blogging, from day one of my pregnancy, i hit brick wall after brick wall with getting simple questions answered, maybe i can shed some light to people who are feeling the same.

I've been on maternity leave now for 3 weeks, I am soooo bored it's ridiculous, I have no nesting instinct, just an overwhelming sense of guilt when I see all the housework that should be getting done. I spend my days watching pointless TV and wondering every second, of every minute, of every waking hour if my life changing moment is about to begin.

When it doesn't I get upset and frustrated and then start the whole process again.

No wonder i'm mentally exhausted.

Bump best turn up tomorrow as my brain will melt if i have to go through this for another 2 weeks!

My peice of advice for today would be in the last month of pregnancy get a t-shirt made that says 'it's due on the 15th, it's a boy, i'm terrified, and I will punch you square in the face if you comically ask if he's still not here yet' obviously fill in to your own circumstance but you get the gist.

That's been the hardest part about this last week, knowing each morning that you could be a mum by the end of the day, and waiting all day for that moment to arrive, but also how everyone starts to treat you.

Everyone starts to address your bump directly 'come on little one when are you coming out' their first questions are 'Is he still in there (yes clearly he is, else i'm still a whale and i've left my baby somewhere)'

Partners will start to get too excited and forget about you in favour of speaking to the bump also.

My OH (other half) comes through the door each night at 5pm and yells 'Where's my baby?' he thinks it's funny, I get upset (only 9 months ago I was his baby, in a different context) and then the OH spends all evening making jokes about the bump turning up and how woman should feel pain in labour else they wouldn't feel as though they'd acheived anything. (Again in a joking way, which soon ends when he gets a slap across the face)

So I believe I will end my blog here, go and stare at some washing up and then assume my position on the couch before OH arrives home with his same bad jokes and takes me out for a meal when I make him feel guilty!