Where Have I Gone?!

I mean seriously!

I know I'm not going to be the same party girl I was 4 years ago, and I don't wish to be nor can I afford to be!

But I never used to have a problem chatting to people, whether I knew them or not, whether I was drunk or sober.

Now I'm just overwhelmed with crippling shyness, even round people I know. It's so frustrating!

I used to go out partying every Friday, Saturday and Sunday night with a good mate. We'd meet up at 8pm and usually I would stumble home around 5am! I've never been one for getting hammered but I was well practiced at drinking till I'd got a buzz and then taking a break, topping it up. I'm a control freak so can't stand the idea of not knowing what I was doing if I was drunk!

I've been invited out with her and a couple of lovely girls a few times, think I've been out twice. I feel like I'm dead boring. I'm tired at 10pm and ready to go home to bed. When they all chat about their crazy antics, I haven't got any to join in with whereas before I was full of them.

People do try to start conversations with me, the usual 'what ya been up to?' Me 'ummm housework?' Usually ends it. Ask me about T and I'll light up and chat for Britain!

I used to love being the centre of attention when I was out and I usually was, I had no problem making people laugh with me or at me. I was never bothered which as long as people were laughing!

I think the word that best sums it up how I feel when I go out now is awkward and out of place, my clothes are wrong, I've nothing to talk about, I don't want to drink loads, I don't want to spend loads anyways, my hairs wrong, did I really come out on a night out in skate trainers instead of heels?!

I sit and will myself to say things 'say this its funny' 'no what if they don't laugh?!'

How is this fixed though?

Do I just dive in and hope I can make it to a respectable time even if I'm not really enjoying myself? Or do I just hope that the short space of time people spend with me when I'm out is fun enough that I'll keep getting invited out even though I leave early?

Any advice would be marvellous!