Sharing

Do we ever really learn to share? Really?

We may do it out of manners or politeness, but we don't actually like it!

Every parent reading this has had that moment in a day where they've snuck to the kitchen for a treat, and shovelled it into their mouth before their kid could see them eating it.

Maybe locked themselves in the loo whilst they cram that dairy milk in their mouth, just to get the pleasure of eating the whole thing!?

Pulling that extra bit of duvet their way on cold winters night?

We're all guilty of not sharing, not wanting to share.

The whole teaching your child to share thing is an absolute minefield.

Let's discuss!

A toddler sees the world like this, if they can see it then they own it. It is theirs, or 'mine'

My example:

I sit eating my toast, T sidles up to me,
T: 'this is T's toast?'
Me: 'no, this is Mammys toast'
T: 'no it's T's toast (or mine)' *starts edging it off the plate*
Me: *heavy deep sigh* 'Fine Mammy, will SHARE the toast with you'
T:  'yayyyyy toast'

I do tend to share stuff with T, to show him what sharing is, I emphasise the word SHARE approximately 900 times a day.

Then you introduce another child, a friends son, let's use D and J as an example.

J plays with T's wheelbarrow, T tries to snatch it off J, T gets told that it's Js turn and to go find something else to play with, T says no, tries to snatch again, T gets put on naughty step. I explain to T that he needs to SHARE his toys, and he must wait until J has finished playing with the wheelbarrow....

*pause*

See that phrase I used there, that's no good.

*play*

J toddles off happily with wheelbarrow, T follows him like he's stalking his prey, J bends down to pick something up to put in the wheelbarrow, he is no longer touching it, it is ripe for the taking. T runs off gleefully, J is upset.

There's your first problem, technically T waited until the toy was free, he is not wise enough to realise it is not free. Do you tell him off?!

You'll have all experienced the play group one.

Your child has a toy, child X runs over (always whilst their parents aren't looking) snatches toy off your child and runs off. Your child runs after X and snatches it back (parents are ALWAYS looking at this point) Do you stutter an apology and make them give it back? Do you shrug and say 'my child was playing with it till your child snatched it off him'?

As this event unfolds do you step in and tell X off?

Occasionally you get parents who will watch their child snatch a toy off your child, and then roll their eyes in your direction and shrug as if to say 'kids hey'

It's the social etiquette of it all!

Today we went to play with J and W at their house. First time in forever. Usually people come to us to play, but I was keen to check out their new house and see what T was like playing with other peoples toys.

T picked up a toy, W tried to snatch it off him, J told W off, W cried, T asked me why W was crying, I explained it was because he wanted to play with the toy he had, but it was T's turn still, T then pretty much flaunted the toy in Ws face and refused to put it down ever.

This was on repeat for about the full 3 hours we were there.

I felt bad for W when he was crying after a few rounds of this, as T wasn't helping by rubbing it in, so I asked T if he would mind letting W have a turn.

I don't know why I did it, it wasn't the right thing to do. Firstly if T did give W the toy back, that's not helping W learn about sharing, and secondly T wouldn't give him the toy back.

T doesn't tend to be the snatcher, maybe 1 in every 10 times.

If I can see him contemplating it I'll step in and say 'that's so and so's toy, why don't you go and find something else?' this usually goes one of 2 ways; 1 T toddles off and makes out that something else is waaaaaay better, or 2; he falls to the floor and starts sneezing (this is his temper tantrum)  shouting 'BUT I WANT THAT ONE' in between sneezes and repeatedly standing up and falling back down again.

There's also the other way, which we experienced about a year ago. We had a visit from L and P. P is about 8 months older than T, so we'll say T was about 18 months and P had not long turned 2.

T snatched everything off of P, he had grapes almost to his mouth, T would whip it off him and eat it, P played with something, T would snatch it off him. I would scold T, at 18 months he didn't have a huge understanding of right and wrong, but I needed him to know that it was bad. But poor P didn't even get upset, as soon as T came near him he just gave him whatever he had!

That made me so sad, I've blogged about my bullying experiences and it looked like my child was already a bully before he was even 2.

But I think T was just taking advantage of Ps peaceful nature. Anything for a quiet life right?!

How did/do you teach your child about sharing!?

                                                    THESE ARE MY MONKEYS!!!